Goodbye Stranger
by Lady Paine
Summary: Death is only the beginning. The ones we love never really leave us. And sometimes we have to die before we can really live.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Death is only the beginning. The ones we love never really leave us. And sometimes we have to die before we can really live.

AN: So this is my first Arrow fan fic. I hope you guys like please let me know at the end. Also this is AU in the since that the season finale did not happen that way. And also how I think they should take Felicity's character further.

Disclaimer: I do not own Arrow sadly. Maybe one day when I make it rich but as of now I don't.

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Goodbye Stanger

It was warm out even for it being night time. But there was a slight breeze and clear skies. The stars were shinning bright and the moon was full. The beauty of the night lied about the true darkness of the night. It mocked everything that everyone believed in, fought for, stood for. The roaring in the ears had given way to silence. Only silenced remained and it was deafening. Time had stopped, everyone had stopped. The moment was coming, and that moment was the end. The light was giving way to darkness. Not just darkness of the night but of the mind and the soul as well. The moment was coming.

The senses dulled and yet heightened at the same time. There once was pain, but now it had gone only leaving numbness in its wake. A numbness that seeped into the bone and into the soul. Everything was fuzzy and yet crystal clear. The world had stopped spinning and yet everyone was still moving. The hurt had come and gone just as the anger had. Anger seemed silly now and the silly things were just so confusing. Nothing made since and yet an understanding had come to pass. Shadows moved in the darkness, and fear that was once long gone was beginning to come back. Hope was all but gone, despair alone remained. It should rain; it seemed unfair that this was happening on such a beautiful night. A night that was beautiful and full of hope. It just wasn't fair. Did life and love mean nothing to the world? Could the world, the heavens be that cruel? It seemed as if they could. Everyone in the world was crying, and the world itself wanted to cry. The moment was coming.

It should matter to the woman lying down looking at the stars. She should notice the people shouting all around her or was it at her she couldn't tell. Or was it that she couldn't remember? The hands that touch her, the cries in the dark for her, she should notice. She should pay attention to the pool of blood forming around her. She really should notice all of this, but really the only thing she notices is the silence around her. Silence is all she hears, all she knows, all she feels. That and it really is a beautiful night. The moment is coming.

She is in some ones arms, being held, but she feels nothing. It is strange to feel nothing and yet feeling everything. She wants to speak she thinks, but she has forgotten how or maybe she never really knew how. Warmth is trying to enter her soul, but coldness of this cruel fate forbids it to happen. She wants to hope but she has forgotten what hope feels like. She cries without knowing how. A hand reaches how to wipe the tears away and she hears it. Just a whisper but its there, please don't leave me, I love you. She wants to hang on she thinks. Those words make her sad; she is hurting someone, someone she cares about. But she knows she can't stay. The moment is coming.

The stars are going out or maybe the light in her is going out. She no longer feels. No sadness, no pain, no nothing but understanding. A smile is on her face and she doesn't know how it got there. Should she be smiling? Yes she thinks she should. Because everything that has happened in her life has added up to this moment. She is ready. The moment has come.

On a warm beautiful summer night a woman falls on a sword for her love. She has turned vigilantes into heroes on this night. A villain has been redeemed, and another woman is finally at rest. Despite the cruelty of this night, it is a good night. A good night to die. For on this night Felicity Smoak dies. And the whole world cries. It really should be raining it thinks.

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Remember review for me. Let me know if you like it. If I should continue it. I have two more chapters already typed out. I can add on, or leave it the way it is.


	2. Chapter 2

Summary: Death is only the beginning. The ones we love never really leave us. And sometimes we have to die before we can really live.

AN: So this is my first Arrow fan fic. I hope you guys like it. Please let me know at the end. Also this is AU in the since that the season finale did not happen that way. And also how I think they should take Felicity's character further. All mistakes are mine.

Disclaimer: I do not own Arrow sadly. Maybe one day when I make it rich but as of now I don't.

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The scene on the roof of the building was a flurry of movements. Detective Lance had his gun limp at his side, silent tears running down his face. Tears for girl he wished he knew better. The scene keeps replaying over and over, he doesn't know if can survive it. He knows he should run to his daughter, check her for injuries but he can't seem to make his legs move. A moment is coming he knows this, and wish it wasn't so. He knew how cruel the world could be, but he thought it would spare her. Spare the light in the dark. How wrong he was. The moment is coming.

Finally the reality of the situation slams into him sending him into overdrive. He rushes to Laurel's side scanning her over for injuries. Seeing none, and thanking his lucky stars he gives her a brief hug before running over to Sarah. She is only mildly injured and for that he is thankful. They hold each other briefly before going over to where Felicity lays bleeding. He knows Laurel is confused. How could any of this happen? As a cop he understands that sometimes bad things happen to good people. But as a father he cannot accept this. Laurel wants to say something he can tell, but he shakes his head no. Hoping she understands to keep her mouth closed. He prays she is sober now, because she wasn't before. He knows he can't help anyone right now. All are still in shock from the event that just took place. So he stands silently giving his strength to those around him. The moment is coming.

He sees Oliver Queen in the Arrow outfit holding Felicity in his arms crying. Oliver is rocking back and forth, begging for Felicity to stay with him. Pleading to the heavens to take him instead. They don't. But thunder rumbles in the distance as if agreeing to the cruelty of the situation. A whispered I love you is heard in the dark. He should be surprised to see Oliver in the Arrow outfit, but if he is honest he really isn't surprised. He suspected from the very beginning, knew without a doubt when Sarah showed up, this only confirmed it. He won't arrest him. He has done too much good for this city. He is hope and Lance knows you cannot arrest hope. You cannot take it away. Besides this city needs every bit of hope it can't get. The question does the hero still have the hope he needs. He is not for sure. The moment is coming.

Sarah and Oliver's driver Diggle he thinks the name is, have their weapons pointed at the man who caused all of this. Diggle's hands never waiver from their position, but Lance can see the anguish, the horror on his face. He is grieving for a loved one. Diggle has seen combat, this he knows and yet this tragedy has probably broken him. For the light in their darkness has been extinguished. Diggle doesn't look at her. His eyes trained solely on the mad man in front of him. Sarah has tears running down her face, tears for a sister that she had in Felicity. There is anger in her eyes, a vengeance he has never seen. He prays she won't kill this man. For there has already been too much death tonight. She seems to understand that because she has yet to make move. Her body is shaking from the anger and the rage, but her control is winning. He wants to run to her side but he knows she won't like that. He thinks maybe he should run to Felicity's side put pressure on the wound and call 911. Get them out of here so they won't be caught. But Oliver won't leave her side this he knows. So instead he looks around and sees the punk kid Roy and goes to him. The moment is coming.

He goes over to Roy who is completely distraught. He has anger rushing off him, anger Lance has never felt from anyone else before. But the kid doesn't move, doesn't do anything but stare at the blood. His eyes are wet but no tears come out. Maybe he doesn't know how to cry. Maybe he never had a reason to. So Lance does the only thing he knows how. He holds him. Then the damn breaks. The shoulders shake but not from the anger but from the sobs coming from the boy. She was his big sister, always looking out for him, always giving a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. He never had a family love and she gave him that. He was a monster and all she saw was a little boy who needed love. And love she gave him. He falls to the ground but Lance is there to catch him. He will always be there to catch them when they fall. They look over to her and a smile is on her face. So they look away. The moment is coming.

This mad man confuses him; just a few minutes ago this man wanted them all dead and now he looks horrified at what he is has done. The sword has dropped from his hands. He stumbles backwards till he is leaning against a wall. His eyes never waiver from her body. He tries to talk but words it looks like have seem to fail him. This man has destroyed everything not just for them, but it seems for him as well. This man Oliver Queen once called a friend is struck down just like the rest. Who only refers to himself now as Death Stroke because Slade Wilson is dead. But maybe that isn't true anymore. For his tears are true. The moment is coming.

A smile is on her face. A smile because everything has lead up to this. An understanding is in her eyes, as the light goes out. And Oliver is holding her like she is made of glass. A kiss to forehead and a kiss to the lips is all he can give her now. There is no other thing they can do. A wail leaves his lips and now they know. The moment has come.

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If you know how or have a good idea for a cover art. Please let me know. I have no idea how to do one. Don't forget to review. They let me know if I should keep going. All reviews are welcome.


	3. Chapter 3

Summary: Death is only the beginning. The ones we love never really leave us. And sometimes we have to die before we can really live.

AN: So this is my first Arrow fan fic. I hope you guys like it. Please let me know at the end. Also this is AU in the since that the season finale did not happen that way. And also how I think they should take Felicity's character further. All mistakes are mine. Thanks for all the reviews and favorites and follows. They mean the world to me. So I probably won't be able to update during the week. But I will try to. As of right now though its going to be on the weekends only. I have huge plans for this story and I hope you guys will stick with it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Arrow sadly. Maybe one day when I make it rich but as of now I don't.

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She thinks maybe if she had gotten there sooner than her truest friend would not be like this. But really she knows that's not true. This was always going to happen, no matter what anyone else thought. And that hurts most of all. Felicity never looked at her in disgust; never saw a killer only a survivor. That hurts more than she thought. The only survivor Sara has ever seen is Felicity, and it hurts because she hurt her. Never on purpose but she did, and for that she can never take back. But Felicity she just kept on going, never stopped, never looked back she envies that. Why would the world be this cruel? Did it not care or did it not understand that they all needed her, needed her light? Maybe it doesn't care. Or maybe because she cared too much and Felicity had to pay the price. The moment is coming.

Laurel looks on in confusion and is completely stunned at what has just happened. Sara knows the truth has to finally come out. Although this should pretty much cover everything she thinks. But maybe Laurel is still drunk off her ass and has no idea what the hell is going on. Sara really hopes not. But doesn't put it past Laurel the woman has been off her rocker for awhile now. Sara scans over her making sure she is not injured. She sees little cuts and some bruises but that's it. She is so thankful for that. When she looks back to her face an understanding is in her eyes. Laurel knows the truth. Oliver is in love with Felicity. She accepts that and Sara is so proud of her for that. Laurel also seems to know what is coming because her eyes are misty and full of sadness. Sara wants to smile, because of curse Laurel would feel sadness for a woman she has only met maybe in passing. Felicity did that to people. Past tense hurts. The moment is coming.

Her dad looks on in pure sadness. He has lost yet another daughter. This one isn't coming back though. She will be buried and it will break them all. She runs to him to check him for injuries, he has the same idea it seems. They both look over each other and both are okay and for that they are both thankful. They briefly hug and then run to Oliver. She keeps her bow staff trained on Slade and her eyes are on Oliver and her father. Her father looks a little lost. Not sure if he should help Oliver and Felicity or stay right where he is. He is not even shocked to see Oliver as the Arrow. As if he has known all along and maybe he has. He really is smart she thinks. She hopes he is not going to arrest him; he doesn't look like he is. She is not for sure if that is a good thing or not. Or if it even matters. Maybe it doesn't. He walks to Roy, never looking back at the girl on the ground because he knows just like she does. The moment is coming.

Roy he looks so lost so scared and just so scared. It hits her then, no matter what Roy has seen over his young years or what is running through his veins, he is still just a kid. And it breaks her because he loves Felicity like a sister and now it is ending. He cries for her, for himself and maybe for everyone else too. She has to look away because the scene is just to heart breaking to watch any longer. She looks to Diggle and it has not been lost on her that he has yet to look at Felicity yet. She thinks he might never look at her. And it scares her because he is a solider he should be use to this. If he can't handle it then what chance do any of them have? None she thinks. She doesn't know what to do with that information. His gun is solely trained on Slade never wavering, never dropping. He will always fight and it gives her something to think about. He won't look at her but she can tell he can sense what is happening. The moment is coming.

Oliver, oh Oliver how she feels for him. Her heart breaks for him. Oliver cries in the dark, holding her, never letting her go. Thunder rumbles in the distance as if it's screaming with him. It hates the injustice as well. Oliver has truly lost his other half. His light has been snuffed out and it just isn't fair. He is begging to the heavens to take him instead. Too bad it doesn't work like that. She wishes it could be that simple, she would gladly give up her life in order to save hers. But it can't happen and she breaks just a little more. He weeps for a girl he loved but never told, and now it's too late. But he says it any way as if it will bring her back it doesn't. It really is unfair. She doesn't know what to do with all of this. His grief puts all of theirs to shame. She didn't know her like he did. Didn't love her like he did. She can't even begin to understand what he is going through and to be honest she doesn't want to. She knows it would kill her. How he is even functioning she doesn't know. Why did she do it? Did she really think that any of them could go on without her? Silly girl, they can't, simple as that. The moment is coming.

Slade. She would give anything to kill him. But as she looks at him she doesn't understand. She thought his mind was so far gone that he wouldn't care. But maybe Felicity brought the real Shado to him. He looks so lost, and so small. She doesn't get it. He is shedding tears for girl he has only met today and then proceeded to kill. Has he finally realized he is the monster they told him he was? Maybe he has. But maybe he can change. He looks to the blood around her and then to his hands. His mind is ticking faster then she thinks even he realizes. He feels it then. The moment is coming.

She looks over to her and she sees it. The smile on her face the acceptance in her eyes. The understanding is all around her. Her heart breaks and she can feel all of their hearts break. Lighting cracks, thunder rumbles and they all know. The moment has come.

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Don't forget to hit that cute little review button. They make me update faster. I take all types of reviews. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. The first few chapters will be in each person's pov. Then it will be different. Gold star to any one who can figure out what I combined in the story from another fandom.


	4. Chapter 4

Summary: Death is only the beginning. The ones we love never really leave us. And sometimes we have to die before we can really live.

AN: So this is my first Arrow fan fic. I hope you guys like it. Please let me know at the end. Also this is AU in the since that the season finale did not happen that way. And also how I think they should take Felicity's character further. All mistakes are mine. Sorry for the long overdue update. Me and my computer were having communication issues. For right now we have made up. This chapter is the longest I have ever written I hope you guys enjoy it and that it makes up for the lack of update. The next update should be in the next couple of days. Anyway long AN lets get on with the story.

Disclaimer: I do not own Arrow sadly. If I did Oliver and Felicity would already be together and forever and Thea would be back home where she belongs. Seeing how that has not happened you can tell I don't own it.

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She doesn't understand what just happened. She knows she is suppose to but she really doesn't. If she was a gambling woman, which for the record she is not, this all happened because of something that happened on the island five years ago. Which shouldn't matter because that was in the past so why should it matter now? The past is the past this is the here and now. Then it clicks this is what she was doing when Oliver and Sara showed back up. God what kind of person is she? Is she a monster as well? Or is she just broken and needs time to heal? She wishes Tommy was here. She wishes she had drink right now because this is just too much to think about. But would that drink many anything now with what just happened? Was it worth it? Could she do it, could she save everyone if the chance came? No, she thinks she couldn't. How dare all of this happen, to the girl, to the monster, to any of them? What did they do in their past life to have to suffer this way? Was their karma that bad? Yes, yes it is she thinks. She knows what is going to happen and she really doesn't want to be up here for this or even sober for it. But she can't leave. Her feet won't move. She is suppose to watch this happen and it hurts. It hurts so much. The moment is coming.

Her Dad rushes over to her and looks her over to see if she is hurt. Not physically she isn't, not really but emotionally that is a whole other bag of worms she doesn't want to think about. He apparently is satisfied with what he sees because next thing she knows he is giving her a brief hug and then he is leaving her. No words are spoken and that doesn't upset her, doesn't confuse her, she knows no words need to be said. Enough has been said already. Words that can never be taken back and she is honestly okay with that. He runs to Sara and they both check each other over give and hug and then they are moving on. Both warriors, both with more strength than she can ever imagine. She wishes she had some of that right now. How is she, them anyone suppose to survive any of this? She really doesn't know. Her dad runs over to the boy Thea was dating. Roy she remembers now. She has been way to drunk lately. He holds this boy as he cries and she sees then that her dad is also crying. Crying like he did when Sara died, well sort of died. Did this blonde really mean that much to everyone? Apparently yes she did. She was another daughter to her father. And she wants to hate her for that because this is hurting him but with that sacrifice play she just can't. She wants to hold her dad to help him, to shield him from the pain that is hurting him. The moment is coming.

Sara comes up to her a little never moving to hug her. Maybe she thinks she is going to lash out again. Yeah that's not going to happen. Not now, not ever again. Sara looks tired and hopeless. And this really is a crappy night. They don't hug but an understanding passes through them in those few seconds and then Sara runs to the man, no the monster and has her weapon trained on him as if daring him to move. Sara was always such a nice and happy person. There wasn't a mean bone in her body. But this Sara is hard and cold and a killer. How is she suppose to handle that information? She doesn't know. She doubts she ever will. There are no tears on her face, but you can see there was once but not now. And maybe there never will be again. Because that means she would have to be happy again for her to be sad. That may never happen again. Sara never mourned a sister's death. She is going to have to now. Heaven help anyone who gets her way. Because she knows Sara is going to use her anger and her violence to deal with this pain. Sara briefly looks around to everyone and then back to the monster because Laurel knows she can't stand to see everyone else's grief. Why is this happening to any of them? She never wanted Sara to go through what she went through. But it appears she won't get that wish. Sara's eyes move to the blonde and the façade drops. The stone cold face is replaced by the fragile sister she remembers. The moment is coming.

Roy is just a kid why is he up here? He should be with Thea at the mall shopping or catching movie. But he's not he is up here crying. He wears the same look Thea had when they lost Oliver. He has lost and older sibling. Were they family? She didn't think so. But this whole night has been an eye opener. She wants to look away but she can't. And she doesn't know why. That's not true she does. It should have been her lying there instead of the other woman. He will hate her when he finally pulls out his turmoil. He is shaking with grief and rage. There is a darkness and evil in his eye. It scares her, but she can't, won't move. He lives in the Glades he knows about pain and heartache she remembers that. He shouldn't have to live through it again. It's not fair. This whole night is not fair. How can she fix it for him? She wants to fix it for him, for all of them. But she doesn't know how. Not anymore. Why can't she look away from his grief? Please let her look away, she wants to look away. She doesn't want to see another broken child, another broken face. But that is all she is seeing. It is all she will ever see. She has to look away because if not she will drown in his grief and she is already drowning in everyone else's. She can't add on anymore. The moment is coming.

Oliver's driver Diggle, she remembers him; he hasn't looked at anyone since it happened. His eyes have never left the monster's body. His pain she knows. It's the same one she had for her sister when she died. He will never be the same she knows that. He is a solider she knows this, heard Oliver tell her about him. So the fact that this is something so horrible, so heinous even he can't deal with it means none of them will be able to. She doesn't know how to feel about that. His gun is holding steady she thinks but every so often she sees his hand tremble a little bit. If the monster moves Diggle will kill him with no hesitation. And that terrifies her. How close was he to her? How close were any of them to her? She knows she will never know and she doesn't like that feeling. Knowing she will never really understand what has happened this night or what has been happening all along. Tears leak from his eyes and she wishes she never saw it because he has always been so stoic. No emotion, no nothing, the perfect bodyguard. Everything is changing. She is drowning, and failing to really see the depths of the emotions he is feeling. The bond she shared with Sara was a familiar bond, a bond between sisters. The bond between Diggle and the blonde was formed in battle, in bloodshed. She thinks that maybe that surpasses anything she has ever shared, ever felt. He draws in a breath he can feel it. The moment is coming.

She looks at the one who caused it all. The monster, the madman, the man who calls himself Deathstroke. The one Oliver once called a friend, a brother the man known as Slade Wilson. She hates him. That will never change, will never fade. He tried to break her, it didn't work. For the first time she is glad she has been drunk most of the time. Because if she wasn't he surely would have. And she will always hate him for that knowledge. But as she looks at him now she doesn't see a monster, she sees a sad and hurting man. And she hates him for that even more, because he makes her want to feel sympathy for him and she almost does. But she hears the cries and the sniffles, and she feels the pain in her bones, in her muscles and she can't feel sympathy for him. It doesn't stop her from trying though. He has been trying to right a wrong that happened years ago and he has. He did what he said he was going to do. He was going to break Oliver. But she can tell he never saw what came after that. He cries for a girl he killed. What gives him the right to mourn her. Nothing she thinks. She wants to go over to him and slap him, and kick him, and punch him, and make him hurt as much as these people are. But she is too scared of him. She is not afraid to admit that. So instead she just glares and hopes he can feel the hatred she has for him. She will never feeling anything for him but the hatred he deserves. He keeps staring at the blood and she wants to move in front of him so he can no longer see. Because he doesn't get to care. She goes to move, to do it, when his hands cover his face and he howls in anguish for the terror and hurt he has caused. The moment is coming.

She finally looks to him and it just about brings her to her knees. She has pretended she hasn't heard him cry and beg and plead but the truth is she has. It's the reason she has made no sound. He looks at her, the blonde in his arms and nothing matters outside of them. The love he feels for her the blonde, he has never felt for her. Her, Laurel. Isn't she suppose to be the one he loves forever? No it was never her. That's why it never worked, why it was never going to work. He was born to love the blonde. And the blonde was born to carry the burden of them all. He is crying and she knows this scene will never leave her mind, never leave any of their minds. He begs the heavens, the fates, anyone to let him take her place. It doesn't happen. It can never happen. That's not how any of this works. But she can't tell him that. She doesn't have the heart to tell him that or the strength. She hears thunder clouds in the distance, a storm is coming. Is it coming so it can wash away their sins, to wash the blood away, or is it coming to mourn the pretty blonde? She thinks it might be all of the above. She doesn't know what to do. She wonders if she should go to him, but she knows he won't like it. Like her coming to him when all he wants is the woman he loves. And he loves her with everything she can tell. She is not even mad; in fact she is really happy that he found her, found his other half, his soul mate. There is no jealousy in her just a great sadness because he lost her before he even had her. The moment is coming.

She has to do it. The one thing that will break her. She has to look at the blonde. And when she does everything will coming crashing down around her. She does any way. And she is right. There the blonde lies in a pool of blood in the arms of Oliver. And Fel-… she can't say her name. If she says her name then its real, it's all real. But she owes it to her and so much more. Felicity is smiling and crying and Laurel breaks right there. She falls to her knees because its real and she will never get a chance to know the girl who saved her, saved them all. The girl who showed Oliver how to really love. Why is she smiling? Because it doesn't hurt, because the end is coming? The suffering will be gone? Or because she did the right thing and she saved everyone? Yes that is the answer. She did the right thing. She chose to save them all instead of letting them be killers. She can see the light going out her eyes. But she is crying because sadly she cannot stay. And she is hurting them, but it has to happen. The understanding is in her eyes and just like that the moment has come.

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Don't forget leave me a review. And yes all mistakes are still mine. I am doing this with out a beta. Can't wait to hear from you guys. Every time I see I have a new review in my inbox I freak out just a little bit okay a whole lot whatever don't judge me. Love you guys a lot. I hope you know that.


	5. Chapter 5

Summary: Death is only the beginning. The ones we love never really leave us. And sometimes we have to die before we can really live.

AN: Thank you to everyone who reviewed my story you guys make my day. I try to answer everyone's review if I can. And thanks to everyone who followed or favorited my story. You guys really have no idea how much that means you to me. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read my story. Updates will happen every weekend, if I can do two a week awesome for me but I am aiming for one a week and like I said on the weekend. Anyway on the story I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Arrow sadly. If I did Oliver and Felicity would already be together and forever and Thea would be back home where she belongs. Seeing how that has not happened you can tell I don't own it.

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He doesn't really remember what it was like to have family and then Thea dropped into his life. And before he knew it he had one hell of a family. And now just like that it's all gone. Fell away on the drop of a sword. It's not fair. It shouldn't have been her. She was his sister; she didn't care about his past or what was running through his blood. Well she did care about his past at least part of it. The part that meant he had no family. She just swooped in and scooped him up and claimed he was part of her family now. And that was that. No one questioned it, no one dared to. She was really the leader of their rag tag group of heroes. The mother in the family and everyone knows you don't mess with the mother. He wishes he didn't remember what it was like to be loved. To know what love feels like. Because now that she is gone. It's going to be gone to. Why couldn't someone else have to do what she did? It just wasn't fair. He was too late and the heart was gone. And soon the soul will be. Because there is no way any of them can go on without her. Whoever said it is better to have love and lost then never love at all has never known this loss. To know loss so great that every part of you shatters into a million pieces. This pain, this hurt, this loss will follow him to the end of his days. He hopes that it won't be that long. He can't survive this for much longer and he really doesn't want to. It's too much for him. The air is tingling with something, he doesn't know what is but he knows he doesn't like it. The moment is coming.

He knows others are here but he can't honestly care about them right now. He can't care about their pain because right now his is all he can handle. Why did she think she was the only one who could do this? He needs her, they all need her. They can't function without her. To even think about it makes him hurt and seethe. Surprising though the rage and the anger don't come, he doesn't have to worry about controlling it because it's not there. The only thing he feels is sadness. A sadness that is seeping into his very bones. It shouldn't have been her. Why couldn't have been Laurel? Nothing against her or anything but they can all live without her. Well maybe not her dad or her sister, but the others can. What they can't live without is Felicity. The girl who gave them a home, a purpose, a smile when they needed it. He doesn't mind Laurel but she will never be Felicity, never be his sister. The one, who made sure he ate, had plenty of sleep and clothes on his back that he didn't have to steal. She bought him clothes not to be sympatric but because she cared and she wanted him to know what love is. To know what it's like to be cared for. Who will care for him now? He doesn't fit in with the rest. They only tolerated him because of her now that's all been ripped away. Who is going to care for the lost boy? No one is and he cries for that reason. He wants to run away, run so very far away but his feet won't move or they can't move. Maybe it's both, maybe it's neither. The sky cries in the distance. It knows what is going to happen next. The moment is coming.

Instead of running away he falls to his knees in sorrow. A gut wrenching scream comes from his mouth. He never knew he could make a sound like that. The lost little boy is all alone and then an arm reaches around his shoulders and holds him. And he knows he is not alone. The family is mourning together. Holding onto each other is all they can do. The badge is digging into his chest and he can't believe that Officer Lance is the one holding him. Shouldn't he be with his daughters? But he won't ask that because he wants someone to hold him, to not let him fall into the darkness. He needs someone to keep him grounded and he doesn't care who it is. She always liked Lance always told them to be nice to him, to respect him. He did a lot for them and he paid the price more times then he should have. As Lance holds him while he breaks down he thinks he might just listen to Felicity because she never sent them down the wrong path. Can Lance cope better than he can? He did lose one daughter although Sara is back so maybe it's not the same. No for the longest time they all thought Sara was dead so he has mourned a daughter now it has to be another one. And Roy hates it; he hates all of this just so much it hurts. He wants to break Slade's face or curl up into a ball and cry like a baby he's not for sure. But he thinks he is leaning more towards crying because as soon as the anger and rage come they go just as quickly. He thinks that might be Felicity's doing. She always did hate it when he got angry, not because he scared her but because she just didn't like those emotions. He cries even harder because that would be something Felicity would do, make sure he isn't angry. Take all the anger from him. It hurts so much. The moment is coming.

He's grieving for her and yet he thinks of the family in the basement. The ones who ordered Chinese food and then would blast music and just dance around without a care in the world. The ones who would laugh at each other and cry with other and who made a well oiled machine with team Arrow. She always made sure they were all taken care of, who is going to do that now? Who is going to make sure that Sara makes time for her father and sister, makes sure Diggle is spending time with his ex wife, to make sure Lance doesn't go back to the bottle or Laurel either. Who is going to make sure Thea gets everything she needs on her inventory for the bar, to make sure he knows he always has someone to talk to when it all gets too much. Who is going to make sure Oliver sleeps, eats hell just even live? No one that's who. There is no one out there who can replace her, no one who can do what she did. No one who can make them a family. She was the heart and soul of the family and now it's gone. What is any of them going to do? How can any of them survive it? She had her whole life in front of her and now it's been snuffed out, without a thought. The light is fading all around them. A darkness is settling around them, around everything. What will happen to the city when the heroes become the villains because the light is gone? Will they become villains or will they just give up? It scares him knowing he doesn't really care either way. The moment is coming.

He hears a buzzing in the silence he has created in his head. It sounds like wailing and he wonders if it's from him. But his throat is raw and no noise is coming from him. It's coming from the person who could destroy them all, Oliver. The lover to the light. It kills him to see his hero, the person he looked up to the most so distraught. Whatever he is feeling he knows Oliver is feeling it a hundred times more. Felicity was practically his mother but she was in every sense of the word Oliver's wife. Except they never got to have that part of the relationship between them. He hates that because they loved each other so fiercely, and to have it end before it ever really began is just cruel. They deserved to be happy and now they will never get to have that happen. What did any of them do in their past lives to deserve this? Or was their luck just that bad? Oliver survived so much pain and so much loss, he deserves to be happy. If any of them deserves to be happy it's Oliver. He had that with her and now it's been ripped away in the blink of an eye. Oliver's grieving is killing him; it makes him hate the situation so much more. He doesn't want to hear any more of the pain coming from him. It hurts him too much. It makes his head spin and he just wants to shut it all off. Without him even knowing he has covered his ears with his hands. He just wants it to all be quite. It's too much for him. The moment is coming.

He wants to hate her so much for doing this to them. Hate her for deciding that they can live without her. That her life was disposable. It's not. They need her and now she is gone. And he hates her for that. For deciding that this was the only way to save them all. Because that's what she does, she saves everyone. She is the true hero out of them all. They were just the muscle for her. Why did she have to be so stupid and do that? A cold anger begins to form in his chest, and then he feels a kind warmth on his cheek and he can see her smiling in his head. The smile she gave him when we was being hot headed. And it calms him down immediately and he just collapses in Lance's arms. He keeps whispering I'm sorry and Lance just holds him tighter. He doesn't hate her, he could never hate her. And he wants to be sick for thinking he hates her because she was doing what she thought was right. Always putting everyone else above her. And she wanted to save Slade because she believed he could be. She always believed that people could be saved. Especially if they were their own worst any enemy. Slade would have fit in with them. They all suffered from that problem. But now he is going to pay for it. The moment is coming.

He doesn't want to but he has to, he looks over to her. And he can't help the tears that fall from his eyes. She doesn't look like she is in pain she looks so peaceful. She is pale and the blood pool continues to grow but he doesn't think she can feel it. He wants to go over there and whisper to her how sorry he is for not getting to her sooner, but something is holding him back and it's not Lance. Besides this moment belongs to her and Oliver. His pain and grief can wait. But he would love to say good bye to her. As if she knows a warm breeze brushes his cheek and he can feel her gentle hand on his shoulder. He hears her voice in his head telling him to close his eyes. She doesn't want him to see this and never one to not listen to her, he does as she said. He can see her clear as day telling him it's going to be okay. That he will get through this, they all will. Because she believes in them. And he believes it because she would never lie to him. He ignores everything around him and focuses on the hug he knows she would give him, the one he feels right now. He doesn't listen to the broken sob only her saying good bye and he knows. The moment has come.

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Don't forget leave me a review. And yes all mistakes are still mine. I am doing this with out a beta. Can't wait to hear from you guys. Every time I see I have a new review in my inbox I freak out just a little bit, okay a whole lot, whatever don't judge me. Love you guys a lot. I hope you know that. Can't wait for the new episodes.


	6. Chapter 6

Summary: Death is only the beginning. The ones we love never really leave us. And sometimes we have to die before we can really live.

AN: Thank you to everyone who reviewed my story you guys make my day. I try to answer everyone's review if I can. And thanks to everyone who followed or favorited my story. You guys really have no idea how much that means you to me. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read my story. Updates will happen every weekend, if I can do two a week awesome for me but I am aiming for one a week and like I said on the weekend. Anyway on to the story I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Arrow sadly. If I did Oliver and Felicity would already be together and forever and Thea would be back home where she belongs. Seeing how that has not happened you can tell I don't own it.

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He's a soldier; he has lost good men in battle. Some friends, others people he never got a chance to know, but he knows about death. So this really shouldn't bother him as much as it does. But he loves this girl. It's his sister, maybe not in blood but in every other sense of the word. He has buried too many people over the years; he never wanted to add her to the list. But now he has to, because she is gone and she is never coming back. He has always been able to compartmentalize his feelings especially with death. He will have to do the same now, except he is having a very hard time doing it right now. And he thinks he will never be able to do that with this death. And part of him dies with that knowledge or maybe it died when he saw her on the sword. He's not for sure and he really doesn't care. He can't think about it right now. He's a soldier and he still has mission to do. There is still a threat that needs to be handle and people that still need to be protected. Although he thinks that should fall on the hero of Starling City not him, but the Arrow won't be able to focus on anything right now or maybe ever. He is not coming back from this maybe none of them are but he can't focus on that right now. But it seems that is all he is able to focus on and it tears him up inside because he knows that is not what she would have wanted. But it doesn't matter now because she's gone and someone has to pay the price and Slade will pay the price. Of this Diggle is certain. The moment is coming.

He's a solider so he notices everything around him, his surroundings. Being aware of his surroundings has saved his life more times than he can count. He just wishes right now he wasn't aware of everything. Because he is aware of everyone's heart breaking and it just hurts so damn much. The Lances are taking care of each other, making sure they are each okay. Of course they are oaky. Of course Laurel is okay, she was never really in any danger. Like he told Oliver a while back it's always going to be Laurel damn everyone else. Except he knows that's not true anymore. Because if push came to shove it was going to be Felicity he would save. And Felicity would have hated that so she did what she always does. She puts everyone else above herself, knowing what the outcome would be. He wonders if he should be worried about Laurel. The woman is a risk especially now that she knows the secret. Now she knows who the Arrow is. Will she still hunt him down, turn over the knowledge to her bosses? He doesn't know and frankly if she does it, not only will he lose all respect for her, he will take her out. Felicity's sacrifice will not be in vain. So he will keep his eye on her look for any signs that she will betray them. Then and only then will he act. Screw what the others say; he was never very fond of her anyway. The way she goes back and forth on all of her decisions just makes no sense to him. But neither does daytime soap operas either and he seems to have been thrust into one. But still he will lie in wait and see what she does. But he has a plan for all outcomes for whatever she does. Thunder crashes in the distance. The moment is coming.

Detective Lance looks like he knew the whole time. And Diggle is pretty sure he did. He is not worried about him and he never will be. Detective Lance is a good man and Felicity loved him like a father just, like he loved her like a daughter. He really wishes Lance didn't have to go through this again, but sadly the universe doesn't listen to him and Lance has to bury someone else he loved except this time there is no coming back. He hears Lance walk over to Oliver and Felicity but stop just shy of them. He can't see him in his peripheral vision. Maybe he doesn't want to intrude on them or maybe he doesn't want to see it up close. He can't really blame him; he doesn't want to see it either so he keeps his eyes trained on the man in front of him. He hears him whisper something, he can't make it out he is too far away. Maybe he is saying he is sorry that they didn't get to her in time or maybe it's a prayer. He is not for sure and he really doesn't care to be honest. What he can hear is pants rustling and the kid crying. The crying is muffled and now he knows why, Lance stopped to be with Roy, someone has to be there for him. And it sounds like Lance has decided to take that on himself. Like he is the right man for the job and maybe he is. Lord knows none them are. He can't even look over there towards the scene. Oliver is too focused on Felicity. Sara is checking on Laurel and Laurel well she really has no idea what the hell is going on. So it should be Lance, he is the only one that might be able to hold all of them together for right now. The moment is coming.

He wonders if should point his gun at Roy. He has the mirakuru in his system and right now he is definitely not in control. And he and Felicity were really close. But right now the kid is too distraught to focus on anything other than crying his little eyes out. But he will keep an eye on him just to make sure. After all once the grief ends he is going to be angry, really angry and that is going to be ugly, very ugly. But for right now he is going to let him have his grief and worry about him later. He feels bad for the kid; Felicity always went out of her way for him. Always gave him a hug when she thought he needed it. Stood up against Oliver when he was being too hard on Roy. Felicity was the older sister and sometimes mom to Roy. She showed him that it was okay to love someone and that yes he did deserve to be loved. Roy has lost so much as is, and now he has to lose someone else. And it really isn't fair. He will make sure Roy knows that just because Felicity is gone doesn't mean the others are going to abandon him or cut him loose. Felicity called them Team Arrow and when she thought no one was listening called them the Arrow Family. And he will make sure that Roy knows that it is still true. He won't leave him; Felicity would be pissed if he did that. Besides you never leave a man behind. He never did in the past and he will be damned if he starts doing it now. The kid is stuck with them whether he likes it or not. They say blood is thicker than water, well maybe they don't share the same blood but they have shed blood together and he thinks that means so much more. If he has to drill that in Roy's head then so be it, he will. This kid is never going to be alone again. It's what she would have wanted. And he will not fail her on this. The moment is coming.

Sara comes over him to help him guard Slade, as if he needed her help. For just a moment he blames her for all of this. If she just had actually died on that boat then none of this would have happened. The woman Slade loved Shado would still be alive and Slade would not be on a vendetta from hell and Felicity would still be alive. But Sara did live and Shado did die and now Felicity died at the hands of a mad man and nothing can change that. So why focus on the what ifs when he needs to be focusing on the here and now? And besides he likes Sara and Felicity adored her. He just hates the circumstances that they all find themselves in. So no he won't hate her because it's not her fault. She didn't ask for any of this, it was just the hand that was dealt. And he knows she probably wishes she could go back in time and fix everything. Sara is not a bad person he really needs to accept that. Needs to accept what has happened so he can continue to fix the city and the heroes that protect it. Lord knows they are going to need someone to keep them grounded now more than ever. And that's what Felicity would have wanted. So he will do it, he will live for her, and not hate Sara for her, and accept everything that happened for her. He owes her that, hell they all do. Sara is crying and not a painful wail like Roy, no it's silent like his. Because their pain needs to be silent so that they aren't showing any weakness. They will hold their pain in and silently die a little bit each day until one day there is nothing left. When that day comes Sara will fade away, and he won't be there to pick up the pieces because he will be gone too. Faded away in the dark where nothing lives and no one light can ever reach him. The moment is coming.

Slade is in shock, and all he wants to do is take his gun and put a bullet in this man's brain. But he holds out because he won't taint her sacrifice with his vengeance. No he will wait, and he will make Slade knows what's in store for him. But why Slade cares is beyond him. Didn't he want someone to die tonight? Maybe because he never thought that someone would stand in the way, show him that there is always hope and always light if you let it in. How does one handle it when you get everything you want just not the way you want it? What will he do now that his plan has been fulfilled? Did he think that through? Will he retire now to some where warm and tropical or cold and desolate like himself? Did he plan on ending his life to join his love when it was all over? Or does he plan on surrendering himself and spend the rest of his life in prison? He doesn't think Slade has the answer to any of his questions. It doesn't look like he had a plan after this. It doesn't look like he thought someone would sacrifice themselves for someone he hates and believes doesn't deserve that type of love. But that was Felicity, she always thought that everyone especially Oliver deserved that type of love. She probably could have broken down all the walls Slade had up like she did with everyone else. Maybe that's why Slade is so shocked because he knows it too. Maybe she reminds him of Shado. Oliver always said she was kind and honest and sweet. That describes Felicity to a tee. Maybe that's what is bothering Slade so much because he killed someone who was just like Shado. He accused Oliver of being cold and heartless and a monster, maybe he has discovered he has become that as well. It doesn't matter, she is gone, they both are gone and that's never going to change. The moment is coming.

He can hear Oliver crying, but he can't look over. If he looks over all of his resolve would fall away and he would break down as much as Oliver. He has to keep a level head because someone has to be there for Oliver. That is what Felicity would want. She would want someone to protect Oliver and look out for him like she did. Of course no one loved him like she did. And he didn't love anyone like he did her. What will be left of Oliver when they lay her to rest when they say their final goodbyes? Oliver is going to do one of two options, he will either run and this time no one will ever find him or he will end his own life. Neither is an option he looks forward to having to face. But he will be there to pull him out of his own darkness as much as he can. Tell him that she didn't sacrifice herself for him to be swallowed by the darkness. They owe it to her to live. Live for her like she would want them to. He hears the whispers on the wind I love you, please stay with me, don't go, please don't leave me alone. He wants to cry because his heart breaks so much at those words. And he doesn't think anyone will be able to save Oliver from himself, in fact he knows this. When they lay her to rest they will be doing the same thing sooner rather than later with Oliver. If he is going to be optimistic he thinks Oliver will last a good month before they have to lay him down. But really he thinks it's going to be about a week, two weeks tops. And that breaks his heart because he is going to be losing his two best friends and he doesn't believe that he, himself will be able to survive that. The skies grow dark and the feeling is in the air and he can't bear to listen to Oliver continually sob. He shuts it all down and ignores it all or he will be gone with her. He knows he is going to have to pull Oliver off of her and he dreads that moment. Because the moment is coming.

He finally looks to her because he has to say good bye. Except when he does warmth fills his chest and love washes over him. A smile is gracing her lips and he knows that this is peace for her. A gentle wind blows in the dark and he knows it's her saying her final good bye. And he can't be mad or sad because this is what she wanted. He will honor her and he will save Oliver because she loved them all so much. To do anything else would be to dishonor her. And none of them will ever do that. A soft sprinkle begins to fall and it's her washing away all the sadness. The moment has come.

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(Ducks the flying food) So sorry about that. Was it as heartbreaking to read as it was to write? Cause I feel like it is. Don't forget leave me a review. And yes all mistakes are still mine. I am doing this with out a beta. Can't wait to hear from you guys. Every time I see I have a new review in my inbox I freak out just a little bit, okay a whole lot, whatever don't judge me. Love you guys a lot. I hope you know that. Did everyone survive the season premiere? Let me know what you thought of the premiere.


	7. Chapter 7

Summary: Death is only the beginning. The ones we love never really leave us. And sometimes we have to die before we can really live.

AN: So this chapter was a beast. It's the longest chapter I have written and I hope you guys like it. A lot of tears went into this chapter. Please don't expect the rest of the chapters to be this long it just came out this way. I have no clue why. And just FYI there is some swearing in this chapter I tried to keep it to a minimum but just wanted everyone to be aware. Also for my story Isobel cannot fight. Also this story takes place after he kidnaps Thea but before he goes after Moria. And Roy never ran away. Anyway on to the story I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Arrow sadly. If I did Oliver would have pulled his head out of his ass by now and be the man we all know he can be. But that is clearly not happening so you can assume I do not own Arrow.

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Darkness surrounds him. There is nothing around him. He is alone and so very cold. Time has stopped and it will never start again. He doesn't think, he can't think. His mind is blank and it will remain blank until the day he dies. Numbness has passed his bones and has been thrusted into his very soul. Desolation is all around him and will never leave him alone. He feels nothing yet anger is pouring out of his cells. They will burn, they will all burn. Everyone will suffer his wrath. Everyone will feel his pain. Then and only then when they have all burned will he finally know peace. And he will greet Death happily, like an old friend. One day people will tell the story of Starling City burning to the ground and why it happened. They will wonder why the hero didn't save them. Why he let them burn. And when the answer comes it will destroy them. They will understand his rage and his pain. But they will not pity him; they will not empathize with him. No they will fear him and all he has done. They will pray he died in the fire. Because if he didn't then they will pray they never come across him because nothing will sate his bloodlust. They will ask how did he become this monster, how he became the thing they all feared. And the answer will always remain the same. He is this way because she is gone, because she died, because someone thought her life was worth nothing. And they will all pay for that. He will become the monster he never wanted to be, but was so good at. He will bathe in the blood of his victims and rejoice in their demise. No he won't rejoice because he will never feel happiness. No smile will ever grace his face again. And then they will ask who is the monster in the dark? They will wonder who was the man that burned cities in his rage and the story tellers will reply in whispered voices the Arrow. And that name will send shocks of fear through everyone who hears it. The hero has become the villain. The moment is coming.

Right now though there is no rage only numbness. He looks down to the woman in his arms and only sees blood. He sees his future being ripped away. He sees her beautiful future being torn down with no thought what so ever. No one was there to save her, not even him. He said they could protect her, he was wrong. Oh god he was so wrong and everything is ending. He can see the city burning and everyone dying. He sees no one being spared from his rage and that should scare him but it doesn't. It only fuels the fire starting to rage within him. And he looks down to her just wondering how his whole world just came toppling down around him. How her light just got snuffed out. And when he thinks about it all he sees is red. There was red in his ledger, now it will be drenched in it. And there is nothing anyone can do to stop it. He has let her down for the last time. He brushes a piece of hair off her face and he remembers how this has all come to pass.

_Oliver is bored out his mind, this meeting was sapping all the energy he had which for the last few days had been very close to empty. Every bad guy it had seemed had come out in spades. He never thought he would say this but he was in need of a vacation and soon. He looks to his right and notices Felicity is still not back from gathering all the papers the CFO asked her to get. And he is beginning to get a little antsy. That was according to his watch well over twenty minutes ago. It should have taken ten max. His cell vibrates and he's so glad no one noticed it because according to Isobel that is not proper for a CEO and more of the idiot she knows he truly is. He ignores it and tries to focus back onto the meeting because as much as he doesn't want to face Isobel and her condescending glare. He really doesn't want to face the wrath of Felicity. She told him to pay attention and to let her know what she missed so she can go back and double check what the CFO said. So he tries he really does but apparently he is not the only one who notices that Felicity is not back yet._

"_We should probably stop right there and wait for Miss Smoak to bring us the papers you wanted us to see. Don't you think?" Thank goodness for Walter, Oliver thinks. Because he was getting ready to say something too._

"_Of course, of course." The CFO agrees and everyone beings to chatter amongst themselves. He is about ready to talk to Walter when his phone starts ringing again. He pulls it out of his pocket and sees Felicity's picture flash across the screen. _

"_Felicity did you get lost on the way back here." He jokes and some people around him hear her name and look at him waiting for any news. Except the voice he hears on the other end is not who he was expecting._

"_You should really be careful where you leave your valuables kid. Or someone could come by and take them." And Oliver's veins run cold as ice and he stands up and leaves the meeting not caring about the people in it at all. Slade sounds so casual, as if he was discussing the weather._

"_Don't worry boy she is unhurt. But we need to discuss some things and I didn't want any distractions to be in our way." Oliver doesn't believe him but he doesn't know what to do other than to listen and pray Felicity will be okay. Dig is right behind him so he puts the phone on speaker and motions Dig to be quite. They both wait and listen for Slade to continue._

"_I will let you know when and where she will be but for now I want you to wait and wonder what is going to happen to the woman you love and why you could do nothing about it. Until then you should really check your phone more often kid." And with that Slade hangs up the phone and Oliver's whole world comes crashing down around him._

"_What did he mean you should check your phone more often Oliver?" Dig asks him quietly. Oliver remembers his phone going off during the meeting and checks his phone to see what it was. A picture message from Felicity and when he opens it he immediately drops his phone and collapses on to the couch with his head between his legs. He is going to be sick, that image is engraved in his mind forever. He senses Dig walk over to the phone and he can't do anything but feel with Dig when he hears the gasp of his friend. The image of Felicity lying unconscious with duct tape over her mouth and blood dripping down the side of her face probably from being blitz attacked will never be one they can forget. _

_He needs to cancel all his meetings for the rest of the day that way he can figure out where Slade is and in turn find Felicity. As if Dig knows his thoughts he puts a hand on his shoulder lets him know it will be taken care of._

"_I'll meet you down in the lobby Oliver. Let me put some things into motion and then we will head to the foundry and let the others know what is going on." Dig doesn't wait just goes out the room and leaves Oliver with his thoughts. But Oliver can't wait around up here so he calls up Sara then Roy and tells them to meet him in the foundry as fast as they can. He hangs up and makes his way to the elevator, not even paying attention to the click clack of heels on the floor until someone is right beside him._

"_Where do you think you are going Mr. Queen? We have a meeting to finish and more to discuss." Isobel snides at him and it that moment he has never wanted to hit a woman more than he has right now. But he can't focus on her right now. He will deal with her later when Felicity is safe and home with him where she belongs. The Count couldn't take her down the Doll maker couldn't do it and neither could the Clock King so he will be damned if a mad man like Slade Wilson is going to take her down._

"_If you want Felicity to remain unharmed then I suggest you come back to the meeting Mr. Queen." And right as Isobel turns around Oliver grabs her by the throat and slams her into the wall. Thank goodness no one is around to see him do this otherwise he would have a lot of explaining to do but as this moment he doesn't care. Isobel is starting to turn blue from the lack of oxygen she is taking in and he couldn't care less. She is clawing at her throat and desperately trying to take in oxygen and Oliver feels some sort of sick satisfaction from watching her struggle. Until a hand is on Oliver's shoulder trying to pull him off of her, then a voice breaks through the rage induced fog of his brain._

"_Let her go Oliver. You're killing her let her go." Diggle's voice is frantic and that alone scares him. Diggle has never spoken like that to him. He lets her go and whispers to her but loud enough for Dig to hear so he will know why he did what he did._

"_Tell Slade if he wants to keep his precious little pet alive then Felicity better not be hurt." The elevator dings and he and Dig walk into but before it closes he gives Isobel a piece of advice._

"_And Isobel when I find Felicity and stop Slade, and I will. If I was you I would run, run as fast and as far as you can go. Because when we find you and we will, you will wish that it was Slade that had killed you. Because we won't kill you, no we and by we, I mean Felicity, she will destroy you and everything you have ever done. She will ruin you. So run now and never look back." He lets the doors close then and the last thing he sees is the true terror on Isobel's face. _

_Neither man says anything on the way down. There is nothing left to say. They find Felicity and they stop Slade no matter what the cost. Oliver's mind is in complete chaos and he doesn't know how to settle it but the one thing that is recurring in his mind is the fact that Isobel is working for Slade and he slept with her. He has never felt more disgusted with himself as he does right then. He owes Felicity a major apology after this and to also let her know that she was right. Isobel is a slimy creature, or was it a hell spawn. She had so many descriptive adjectives for her. He will ask her when he gets back which one fits this new information. Until then he will stay focused on the mission and bring his girl home. The ride to the Foundry is done in silence both have too much on their mind. Oliver tries to think of what to tell the others and how to track her down. Because no one knows her system like she does. She is the brains behind all of what they do and everyone else is the brute force. How are they going to find her, that's what she does? She finds people, but how is she suppose to find herself. How can they find her, they need her here. He hates Slade more than anything right now and for the first time he wishes he has mirakuru in his system so he knows that he will be able to take Slade on. He can't lose her; he won't be able to handle it. Felicity has always given him hope when he thought he had lost it. What will he do if he loses his hope? No, he refuses to think like that. They will find her and they will bring her home and Slade will be no more after this. He didn't realize they were at the Foundry till John knocked on the window. And Oliver feels for John because those two have an amazing familiar relationship. He has already corrupted Thea and stole their relationship he will not let that happen with Felicity and John or the others. But how does one tell these people that the one they all cherish, the one who is supposed to be safe is now in the clutches of a mad man. When he reaches the bottom of the stairs he only sees Roy no Sara._

"_Before you ask I don't know where she is. She should be here soon. I think she was trying to talk to her sister or something." Roy states with his hands in the air to ward off any other questions. Roy looks over to them and he knows Roy is wondering where the other part of their trio is. And he really doesn't have the heart to tell him because Roy looks up to Felicity like a big sister or sometimes a mom. But before he can say something, anything really, Sara comes barreling down the stairs._

"_He has her Oliver." And Oliver's heart stops because how the hell did she know that already. But before he can ask her how she knows she continues on._

"_Slade has Laurel. He called me." And just like that Oliver's whole reality comes crashing down around him. He knows what Slade is doing and either way he loses. Oh god he loses. What is he supposed to do? He sees John stiffen and his face goes slack and then before he can blink his face becomes acceptance resignation. He doesn't understand it until John's words from last year come crashing into him. 'When it comes to Laurel damn everyone else.' And while those words hurt, they aren't true anymore. Because like he told Felicity a few months back there was no choice to make. _

"_Oliver why are you just standing there? Get Felicity here so we can get Laurel back." Sara is panicked. And Oliver understands, he really does. Sara came back to protect her family and now one of them is in danger. Instead of saying anything to her, he hands her his phone with the picture on the screen. When she sees, she gasps and he wonders if she understands yet. If she knows what is about to play out._

"_Slade called me and told me she was safe and he would call back to let me know where I can find her." And just like that all the pieces fall into place for her. And he wonders what she is going to say._

"_You can't pick Ollie. You can't do it. We will find another way I promise. No one is going to hurt either of them." And before he can say something back to her she pulls out her own phone and calls someone. She walks away from him and is in a whispered conversation like she doesn't want him to know about it. He looks over to Roy and the boy seems completely confused and he knows he is going to have to explain everything to him. He doesn't look forward to this conversation._

"_Slade has both Laurel and Felicity and is going to have me pick who lives and who dies." Roy looks stunned and very angry and he does not want to have to deal with a pissed off Roy._

"_This has to do with something that happened on the island which one day I will tell you all about. But until then know Roy we will not let anything happened to either of them." He turns around to talk to Sara so they can work out a battle plan but she is nowhere to be seen. He looks to John and he shakes his head to indicate that he didn't notice her leave. He looks back to Roy and the kid is still looking really pissed so he is going to have to try a different tactic._

"_Roy you can either train and practice or you can do whatever the hell it is that Felicity has you do to calm down because I am going to need you in control and on your A game when we go to get her back." And to his surprise it gets him to calm down. Roy nods his head at him and walks over to the training dummy and starts to practice. John walks over to his guns and starts to take them apart and clean them. He decides the best thing he can do is sharpen his arrows and make sure he has everything ready for the fight._

_He loses track of time when his phone vibrates in his pocket. He pulls it out and sees he has a picture message from Felicity. He dreads opening it but he does any way because he has to. The picture is of Felicity bound and gagged this time awake and more apparently there is a gun pointed at her head. Below the picture is a message. A street address and orders to come alone or he kills her. He knows Slade means it. He looks over to his team and notices that Roy is focused on the dummy getting his anger under control, Sara is still gone and John is not there. He remembers John telling him he was going to go to Lyla to see if he could use some of her assets to stop Slade. He has no choice; he changes into his gear and leaves. But he also leaves the address and the threat hoping they can find a way around it. _

_He moves silently on the roof top hidden in shadows hoping they don't know he is here yet. He knows they probably do but he tries to be hopeful in this situation. He doesn't see anyone and that worries him. Where is everyone, where is the girls, where is Slade._

"_Come on out boy, I can smell your fear." Slade's voice is taunting. He grips he bow tighter and leaves the shadows and just like that his worst fear is right in front of him. _

_Felicity and Laurel are bound and kneeling before him with a gun pointing to their heads._

"_Quite poetic don't you think? Just how it happened that night. Put the bow down kid or I put a bullet in both their heads." Slade cocks the gun and Oliver immediately drops the bow._

"_Please Slade don't do this. Let them go. This is between you and me. They have nothing to do with this." He begs. He hopes this can reach the man he once called brother but he doesn't know if there is anything left to reach. _

"_That's not how this goes and you know it. You get to choose who lives and who dies. And this has everything to do with them just as it had years ago on that fateful night. So take off the hood and show your face so she knows who you really are." Slade's voice is so calm and cold, it scares him. This is not his friend this is a monster. He can't reason with him so he will comply and hope the others get here soon. He lowers his hood and Laurel gasps in shock and Felicity looks at him in determination. She is not giving up on him._

"_Pick Oliver. Choose who dies and who lives. Will you choose your long lost love Laurel or will it be the beautiful blonde assistant who broke down all your walls?" Slade brings the gun to each woman's head with a cold smile on his face. He wants to answer but either way he will lose and no one is coming._

"_Neither." A strong voice rings out and all eyes turn to the pretty blonde who spoke._

"_I will never let Oliver choose anything that deals with my life. This is my life so it's my choice. So I will pick for myself. And I choose me to die Slade Wilson. Because someone has to die and someone needs to show you that you don't get to win." And just like that he, Oliver Queen shuts down. Because once Felicity Smoak sets her mind to do something nothing will ever stop her. She stands up and turns around to face her executioner._

"_But you will look me in the eye Slade Wilson when you do this. You won't be a coward and shoot me in the back. All I ask is you tell me, is all of this worth it? Was she worth it? Is she still worth it? Was she a monster like you or the beloved like Oliver says she was? Would she be proud of the monster you are today or the man you could have become? What about your family Slade? Your wife and your son? What will they think when they learn of the man you are? Will they cower in fear or will they feel ashamed and disgusted by you? Will they be shunned for what you have done? Or will someone get vengeance on you by killing them? Who will protect them when the masses come for them? Answer me Slade! You have to know these answers because these questions will come to pass." With each question she has gotten louder and closer to him. And he doesn't have the answers and they all know it. _

"_Tell me about her, Shado. Was she as sweet and kind as Oliver described her or was it all lies? Was she just like you a monster?" _

"_NO! She was sweet and beautiful and so very kind. She believed in us and she believed we would get off the island and we would all make it home. She loved with her whole heart. She was a good person with an amazing heart." Slade exclaims back to her and tears try to escape his eyes._

"_Then why Slade? Why kill in her name?" She asks him desperately. Not for herself but for him. She is trying to redeem him. To make him see his wrongs. But it won't work, oh god it won't work. He has to tell her this. _

"_Because he killed her. He picked Sara to live and Shado died. That's why. It has to be like this." He tells her desperately. He is fighting her, but she is breaking his walls, slowly she is breaking them down._

"_No Slade the gun was pointed at Sara and he jumped in front so he would die instead. Had it been on Shado at the end of the countdown then he would have jumped in front of it. Because that's what he does. He sacrifices himself so others can live. This Shado you see now who is she? Is she the woman you remember or just this angry shell you have created? Who are you really doing this for Slade? Is it for her or is it really for you?" He wants to yell at her to keep quite because it won't work Slade is too far gone. But he can't seem to get his mouth to work and his legs feel like lead and he can't make them move._

"_It's for her; it has always been for her. Stop asking stupid questions. Stop messing with my mind." He yells at her backing away from her. He paces back and forth mumbling to himself. He's talking to someone. Someone who isn't there._

"_Really because it seems to me that you are doing this for yourself because you weren't there to stop it and you have to do something to make up for it. Maybe if you had been there then everyone would have been spared the horrors of that island. But you weren't and Shado died and everyone had to face the evils of that island. But you are hurting and you want someone to hurt just as much as you do. But it doesn't work like that Slade; it can't because all you're doing is dishonoring the memory of this amazing woman. And she deserves so much better than that. And you know it. But if you are ready to kill in her name, to taint her memory then I am ready to die. I have lived my life with no regrets." She says it with such convection that everyone takes a step back. But he has a regret he never told her._

"_Well go on then Slade do it. Be the monster your child will fear. Be the villain Shado would hate. Make sure she will never rest in peace." And just like that Slade's façade breaks and the dam breaks. But before he can make a move, a move that no one will ever know a bullet rips passed Felicity's head and hits Slade's armor. With a roar Slade pushes Felicity to the ground hard and Laurel falls to the ground as well as not to be hit with any bullets. Screams rip through the night. _

"_I told you to come alone. You will never learn. This all could have been prevented kid." Slade roars at him. He pulls out his sword and charges him for a fight. He picks up his bow and begins to fight back. _

_Slade is strong, stronger than he remembers and he is not for sure if he can take him. The fight goes on for hours it feels like, the others join in but still it's hard to bring Slade down. They have all been knocked down and breathing heavy when Slade stands up and he tries to get up as well but it hurts so much. He barley makes it to his knees when Slade takes his sword and rams it though his chest. Except it never makes it. Before he can move or stop it from happening Felicity jumps in the way and the sword pierces right through her abdomen. He never even saw her move. He screams out in anguish and everyone stops moving. Slade takes a moment and shock is clearly written over his face, before he pulls out the sword and steps back, the sword falling from his hand. Felicity looks down at her chest and falls backwards. He easily catches her. Her face looks completely astonished as if she can't believe she got stabbed or that she jumped in the line of fire for him. Neither thing he ever thought he would be thinking. He puts his hand over her chest to try and cover the wound to stop the blood pooling out around her. It doesn't work._

"_Felicity look at me. Its okay, you're going to be okay. Just hang on." He pleads with her. Tears fall freely down his face. It's not fair, he never told her._

"_It's okay Oliver. Shh it's okay. My life my choice remember. Please make sure she is at peace now Oliver. She has to be. Don't let this be for nothing." She is whispering and blood is trickling out from her mouth. And she is wrong this is not okay. Why does she worry about everyone else but herself? She is not okay._

"_It doesn't hurt. Okay Oliver it doesn't hurt, its okay. I'm okay. Just stay with me for a little bit Oliver. Just for a bit. I don't want to be alone." Her voice is wavering and she is barely hanging on. And he doesn't know what to do. Her eyes glaze over and he has to keep her here with him._

"_I'm not going anywhere Felicity. I'm staying right here. You're not alone; you are never going to be alone again. Do you hear me? I am never going to let you be alone again. Just hang on Felicity help is on its way. You just have to hang on. Besides I still have to yell at you for doing something stupid like this." She makes no move as if she doesn't hear him. But she has to, this can't be it. It can end this way. _

"_Someone call 911! We need an ambulance!" He looks around and no one moves. Why aren't they moving? Then he hears it the cackle in the chest, the death rattle when the lungs can no longer hold the air in and the lungs can take in anymore._

"_Felicity stay with me. Please don't leave me. I love you Felicity. You can't go, you can't leave me alone. I haven't taken you out on a date; I haven't done anything for you. You have to stay so I can prove to you how much I love you. So I can prove it every day for the rest of our lives. Please Felicity don't go." He looks to the sky and prays for the first time in a very long time._

"_Please God take me instead. Don't take her away from here. She is worth so much more than me. She has so much to give back to this world. Please take me instead. Let her live." Nothing happens and he curses. He does the only thing he can do he presses his lips to hers in chaste kiss and he can taste his tears on his lips. His forehead falls on her and they share her last few breaths and he softly whispers to her._

"_I love you." She whispers back to him so softly he almost didn't hear it._

"_I love you Oliver Queen." He pulls back and sees a smile on her face and then her eyes fall close and her hand that has been on her abdomen falls to the ground and her head turns to the side because it can no longer be held up on its own. And an animalistic sound pours from his lips and the heavens thunder around him._

They will all pay for this. She was getting through to him and they ruined it. She is gone because of them. They will all pay. She wasn't supposed to die. It wasn't supposed to end like this. They signed her death certificate. How could they? How could they do this to her? She loved them all and they threw back in her face. They killed her, they all killed her. He wants to kill them now at this very moment but he can't let her go just yet. He has to keep holding her. He has to keep protecting her. So they will pay but not now, no he will make them wait. Make them look over their shoulders for awhile wondering when he will attack. Wondering when will they die. He can see it clear as day and it awakes the dark person he use to be. He will make them all sorry for what they did. Just as that thought crosses his mind he hears it, the wailing and the sobbing and it reminds him of himself when Tommy died.

He glances up and Roy is crumbled on the ground with detective Lance holding him. Why is he crying, why does he care? Roy never loved her like he did. Then he remembers she touched every life she came in contact with. That was Roy's older sister and he did love her. True it wasn't like the way he did but he loved her just the same. Felicity always made sure Roy was taken care of and Oliver will continue to do that for her. Because this wasn't his fight he was thrown into it and he had to figure out where to go and what to do. So he will spare him when they burn, when the city burns. When they all fall to his rage.

A gentle breeze brushes his cheek and it feels like her and he knows she wants him to protect Roy and he will. He won't fail her not on this. Never again. But does it also mean to protect the others? How can he protect them when it's their fault? And he hears her words to Slade from earlier. Asking him if he was okay with dishonoring Shado's character and taint her memory. Isn't that what he will be doing? Can he be okay with that? Felicity would never forgive him for that. She will hate him and he is not okay with that. But what can he do, what can any of them do? They all loved her and she loved them. He doesn't know what to do. Does he give into the darkness or does he keep her alive and let her light shine through to him? Can he become the monster like Slade? Never caring who he hurts as long as someone is hurt as much as he is. Can he hate them for loving her, for being there when she needed them to be? For trying to save her? Was it their fault any of this happened? Was it Slade's, his or was it Dr. Ivo's fault? What should he do? He doesn't know, Felicity would know but she's gone and he is so alone and so very confused. Can he still be the hero she claimed he was or does he become the villain that she would fear and hate? He doesn't know and maybe he never will. And maybe that's the problem, he will never know.

Rain begins to fall and then a voice tears through the silence and all heads jerk to the voice.

"I can save her!"

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So how many people hate me right now? So sorry about that. Was it as heartbreaking to read as it was to write? Cause I feel like it is. Thanks for all the reviews last week. Don't forget leave me a review. And yes all mistakes are still mine. I am doing this without a beta. Can't wait to hear from you guys. I want to hear all your thoughts on the story and on Wednesday's episode.


	8. Chapter 8

Summary: Death is only the beginning. The ones we love never really leave us. And sometimes we have to die before we can really live.

AN: So this chapter I am not too happy with it. It didn't come out the way I wanted it to. And it's not nearly as long as I would have liked but his head space was just hard. Like really hard. And I couldn't find out what Slade's wife name was so I googled poplar girl names in Australia and picked the top one. And just FYI there is some swearing in this chapter I tried to keep it to a minimum but just wanted everyone to be aware. Also for my story Isobel cannot fight. Also this story takes place after he kidnaps Thea but before he goes after Moria. And Roy never ran away. Anyway on to the story I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Arrow sadly. If I did Oliver would be with Felicity right now or at least really explaining himself to her. But hey endgame right?

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His mind shatters as the scene before him unfolds. What the hell just happened? He doesn't know and he doesn't think he ever will. This wasn't supposed to happen this way. His plan has been ruined. She ruined it, sent it right down the drain. And now his mind is silent. Where was Shado? She should be here to tell him what to do. Did this woman do what he could never do? Did she finally let Shado be at peace? He looks around to see if he can see her and he does. Right beside her. She is looking down at this girl as if she has never seen anything like her before. And he has to admit, he hasn't either. And maybe that's why Shado is quite because he is quite. He doesn't understand any of this. This is what he wanted, so why does it feel like he is the one who lost everything? She destroyed everything he believed in with just a few questions. Questions he has never asked; no, questions he never wanted to ask. Let alone answer. And she threw them right in his face without a care. He's a mercenary, a cold blooded killer so how did she break through every wall, every defense he had up. He sold his soul to the devil so he could destroy Oliver but he has only really destroyed himself. He should not be thinking like this but he can't help it. All those questions keep running through his mind. All in rapid fire, all on repeat, never stopping, never giving his mind peace. This was supposed to end his pain, his suffering but now it has only added on to it. She did that, she changed everything. Why? Why could she do this, how could she do this? What made her so special? What gave her the right to change this plan, to change him? To make him doubt himself. He wasn't prepared for her, for any of this to happen. But more apparently he wasn't prepared to find he still had his soul. It was there, deep down and hidden away from the light but it was still there. Maybe that's why she could do it. She was light and his soul had sensed it and it wanted it. It wanted to see the light. It wanted to remember what it was like to feel the sun on its face, to feel the light in the darkest part of itself where he stored all the horrors of being a soldier. Why would she do this? Why give her life for Oliver Queen? Why try to prove he still had some humanity left in side of his self? He never stood a chance with her. A cold chill runs through his body and he shivers violently. The moment is coming.

Her questions keep plaguing his mind and they won't leave him in peace. What would his family think? He hasn't thought about them since he killed his friend Billy on that island. Hasn't even looked them up to see if they were okay. To see if his wife remarried, if his son calls someone else dad. Are they even alive or have they died? Does he want them to know about him? Know about the monster he has become? No he really doesn't. His son use to idolize him, would he cower in fear or look at him is disgust. He is not for sure which would be worse and it shouldn't matter. He made his bed and now he has to sleep in it. But it does, it does matter. It's all he can think about now. And he wants to hate her for it because thinking about them hurts, it hurts so much. She wanted him to feel this pain, to feel this hurt because she believed he could still be saved. She reminds him of his wife Olivia always believing in the best of everybody even when there is none. Olivia, how he misses his Olivia. She would hate the man he has become today. To go to them now would only cause pain and heartache for them. What will happen to them now? As far as they know he is dead but he wouldn't pass someone to let it be known that he is in fact alive and quite well. What would happen to them? Would they take his benefits from them? Say they knew the whole time and said nothing only covered it up. Would they be labeled terrorist and sent to prison? Or would one of his victims' family members take the law into their hands and kill them? Is there someone there to protect them, to make sure they are safe? And that thought makes him sick to his stomach. Someone else is loving his wife, holding her, being her husband now. Someone else is warming her bed and it makes him sick because that is supposed to be him. Joe is calling someone else dad. Someone is teaching him how to throw a football, helping with his homework, helping him with his girlfriend problems. Someone who is not him is telling him all about the birds and the bees. And he hates that because those should be his memories. He should be doing of all of that. But he can never have that and now he has to understand that. He has to live with that because of her. She changed everything. She made him ask the questions he never wanted to know the answer to. The moment is coming.

Was Shado worth all of this? If someone asked a few hours ago he would have said yes in an instant. But now, now he can't say that. Because she isn't, she isn't worth all of this pain. He ruined her memories. He tainted them with his darkness. Now no one will remember her for the good soul she was. All they will think is that she was just as dark as he is. And it's not true. She was beautiful and so full of light. This person he sees, it isn't Shado. Not his Shado and Oliver tried to tell him that. They all did, and he didn't listen. He didn't want to listen, didn't want to believe. But it was true. They were right. And as he looks at her, the Shado he has known for years now he can see it. See the person for who it really is. And it shocks him so much he slams into the wall behind him. It's him; the person is him the monster. And it tears him up because he isn't supposed to be the villain. But he is and she would hate him. The real her would hate him. This one looks at him and tells him to finish them off. Oliver is weak and left unprotected. But he can't do it. He can't strike back now because it's not her and he deserves so much better. He wanted her to speak now all he wants her to do is shut up. And just like that she does and the anger is gone and he finally sees the real her. She looks at him in so much love and understanding he can barely catch his breath. He has wanted to see her for so long and now he has he doesn't know what to do. He had so much to tell her, so much to ask her and now he can't make his mouth function. But she seems to understand. She sits right beside him and leans on him. Giving him strength. Strength he never knew he needed. He wanted to die for so long, so he could be with her and here she is and he doesn't want to die so he can be with her. He wants to die because he hurt someone who was so much like her and didn't deserve it. And now Oliver has to go through this and as much as he wants to think that is what he wanted the truth is he wanted Oliver to kill him. To put him out of his misery, to end his pain and be with his Shado. But now he will die and never see her. Because people like him don't get to be saved, don't get the happy endings. If his dying could save her he would do it. Because that is how he could honor Shado. Dying for someone who is worthy. Oliver wears her hood to honor her and her father and that is someone worthy. He honors by killing for money and enjoying the bloodshed and she would turn away from him if she was still here. So no the Shado he has been seeing was not worth it. Loving and fighting the good fight for her is worth it. Not this. Never this. He glances at her and they both feel it. She walks over to her and prepares to help her. The moment is coming.

Was she right? If the gun had been pointed at Shado would he have jumped in front of it? Looking at him now and remembering back then the answer always remains the same; Yes. Yes he would have. He can't believe he didn't see it then, that he let his emotions get the better of him. Made him doubt his brother. The man he made into a warrior, the boy he helped turn into a man. What was wrong with him? Did he really think he was the only one who loved her, who would miss her? But really was she his to be so upset about. She was never his, no she was with Oliver not him. So yes if the gun was on her he would have jumped in front of the bullet. He would gladly take a bullet for them. Oliver would gladly take a bullet for anyone and everyone. Even if they didn't deserve it. Oliver has been and will always been the one to save them all. To mourn them all. Emotion was never his weakness, no it was his strength. And Shado saw that, she bathed in it. He could show her love something he never could. It's no wonder Shado was with Oliver and not him. And should it really matter? They were all friends first, everything else came second. Oliver, Shado he is so very sorry for how he betrayed you both. He darkened memories and destroyed friendships. They could have helped each other through their grief instead of each person trying to handle it themselves. Maybe if he had stayed his friend he would have been able to help Oliver tell the woman he loves that he loved her before he lost her. Told him to hold her close and cherish every moment he has with her. To worship her and know just how lucky he is to have her. Instead he has to watch Oliver grieve and be the broken man he should never have to be. The question remains will Oliver follow in his dark path or will he self destruct in a whole other way? He liked Shado felt deeply for her, but the way he feels about her, his Felicity is something much deeper, much harder. He hopes he doesn't grieve for her like he, himself did for Shado. Shado looks back at him and she feels so much sorrow for all of them. For what is about to happen, for what grief is about to befall them. This is the Shado he remembers this is the Shado they loved. And he knows that she hates that Oliver will suffer the way he has. And he hates it too. Felicity made him feel and he wants to hate her for it because it hurts, it hurts so much. But he needed to feel, he needs to remember what it is like to be humane. To love and be loved and no that no matter what at the end of the day someone is always going to care about you. He wishes he could stop it, change what just happened but he can't. The moment is coming.

She was getting through to him. Why did he lash out? Because he brought friends that's why. So really it's his own fault. There it is that anger that rage it won't leave him alone leave him in peace. He was never this angry before. Before this mirakuru. He hates, he hates it so much. That is what is to blame no one else but it. Every time he thinks he has control, it rears its ugly head. If he could only rid himself of it. He and everyone else would be better off without it. But there is no cure and he has no idea how to control it. Nothing he does ever works. But he looks to Shado and it's still the Shado he sees so maybe that is a good sign. Maybe if he focuses on the real her on his family he can keep it in control. Then a terrible thought runs through his mind what if when she goes she will haunt him instead. That terrifies him because he knows if that should happen he will gladly in his own life because he will not tarnish another sweet woman's life. This mirakuru is a curse more than a blessing. All it does is cause pain and chaos wherever it goes. So what if he is stronger and faster, he is always angry and he is never in control. How many innocent lives has he taken in his rage? How many have suffered because he couldn't control it? Too many and they will forever haunt him. No wonder the Japanese sunk their own submarine; none of them could control it. They knew this should never get out. And what has he done, he has made a whole army of these rage induced machines. And they can't be put down. He is going to die trying to put them all down and he is okay with that. This mirakuru needs to be gone forever. He and his men are the last of it and they will never harm another innocent soul again. He needs to destroy it and make sure Shado's and Felicity's death mean something. He needs to make retributions for his sins. He will pay for what he has done and until then he will make sure he stops the mirakuru from becoming the next horrific plague. No one else will feel this power, this rage ever again. A gentle wind blows and it seems she agrees with him. Felicity will forever be watching over them. And he knows she will help him stop the mirakuru. The blood pools around her and he wishes there was something he could do to stop it, to save her. Shado is whispering to her and he knows. Dear Lord he knows. The moment is coming.

And holy crap the mirakuru. He hasn't been thinking about it nonstop and it never occurred to him to actually think about the one good thing it can do. He has to stop this. They need her, they all need her.

"I can save her." And by God he can. He can save her. If they let him. The moment has come.

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So loved everyone's thoughts last week on who it was. Good job guys. Thanks for all the reviews last week. Over Fifty reviews! I am working on something for you guys for being awesome. Don't forget leave me a review. And yes all mistakes are still mine. I am doing this without a beta. Can't wait to hear from you guys. I want to hear all your thoughts on the story and on Wednesday's episode.


	9. Chapter 9

Summary: Death is only the beginning. The ones we love never really leave us. And sometimes we have to die before we can really live.

AN: Oh wow thanks for all the reviews and follows and favorites. You guys are awesome. I try to write everyone back. So to the ones that I can't all my guests thank you so much for reviewing. You guys let me know to keep on going. So thank you to everyone. I wrote another story, a fluffy story to make up for all the hurt in this one. Go check it out and let me know what you think. It's called Bless the broken road. So this chapter is well. It's different. Let's just say that. There is going to be a AN below the story to talk about something. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and where this story is heading. Again swearing be warned. And sorry for the long ANs.

Disclaimer: I do not own Arrow sadly. If I did Oliver would be with Felicity right now or at least really explaining himself to her. But hey endgame right?

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As the heavens open up and the rain pelts down on all of them everyone's head whips to him. They all look at him in distrust and he knows he deserves it but they only have a tiny window to save her. So they really should be hurrying.

"Yes you heard me correctly. I can save her. But if we are going to, we need to hurry. She won't last much longer." He yells over the rain to them. It's John Diggle who answers him.

"If you think we are going to let you turn her into a raging angry killing person you are crazier than we all thought." He says to him with such venom as he cocks his gun.

"Yes I am talking about the mirakuru but I don't think it will do that to her. She has all of you to keep her grounded plus I know she has been working on a cure. Don't talk to me like I am stupid. I have been watching you all for months now. Remember that. But if you want to save her, now would be a great time to do it. Otherwise prepare to lose her." He looks at Shado and sees a smile upon her face he is finally doing something right. Who answers in return surprises the hell out of all of them.

"You're sure you can save her? That we can keep her sane? Because let me tell you I have everyone trying to help me and it's still really hard to stay in control. But if you can save her than please, please save her." And that boy's voice just about breaks his heart.

"Well as long as you keep her out of fighting than yeah I think you can keep her together. But can we go now? Otherwise it won't matter." And Oliver stands up holding her and looks directly at him with such hate and anger.

"After we save her Slade you will answer for all of this believe me you will." And just like that he turns around and walks away from them.

"Yeah kid I know." He whispers into the night. The rain covering up his words. A secret for him and him alone. And follows Oliver into the night.

John Diggle watches all of this and says nothing. He never thought he would see the day where Oliver would do something this stupid. He won't let it happen, that girl deserves more and he will make sure she gets it. But it surprises him that no one else is fighting this. They all want her to live and he gets that he does. But not like this never like this. She needs to be laid to rest not turned into a monster. So he will go to the foundry and tell Oliver that no he will not do this. And he will not let them do it either. If they try, they will have to go through him. Everyone else begins to follow him out all except Detective Lance; he goes over to him to ask why he is not going.

"Someone needs to stay behind and keep this quite. What they plan on doing, it will turn her like him?" Lance asks not sure if wants to know the answer to his question or not.

"Yeah, yeah it will." John replies quietly to him.

"Then stop it. She can't be him. There is too much light and goodness in that girl for it to all turn to ash and darkness. Save her, let her rest in peace. Don't let her death be for nothing. Do what they can't, let her go." Lance wants her to live he does, just not like this, never like this. He would rather her be buried then to see her become something she isn't. And with that John gives a nod in his direction and walks off after the others. May they all be forgiven for the sins Lance prays into the night sky.

John comes down the stairs and sees that they are preparing to give her the blood transfusion that will condemn her to her fate. So with no other choice he pulls out his gun and fires it off to the side before training in onto them. Everyone swivels around to him none have their weapons on them. So the odds go in his favor just a bit.

"Stop this right now. You will not do this to her. I can't let you." He tells them calmly looking at each one making sure none of them make a move. "I will put a bullet into whoever tries to turn her."

"John she's dying we have to save her." Sara implores to him. They have to save her they need her. They all need her. None of them can do this without her. None of them want to do this without her.

"I get that I do Sara. She, she is my little sister. I would die for her, hell I would kill for her but I won't let you destroy her death or her life. She died to save us, to save him." He points to Oliver who hasn't taken his eyes off of Felicity but he does flinch at the words. "So I won't let her death mean nothing. I won't let her light become darkness. I won't let you take all the good out of her so you can see her again. That's too selfish for you. None of you are thinking of her you're only thinking of yourselves. You Sara, because she never judged you like your family did." She closes her eyes and turns away. "Or you Roy because she never expected anything from you when she went out of the way for you. She was the mother you always wanted." He clinches his fists and looks back at her. The words ringing in his ears. "You Slade because she made you think, made you remember who you once were. Something you were not willing to do." Slade stares right back at him unflinching. "And you Oliver-"

"What about me John?" He interrupts with a dead voice that makes them all turn to him. "You want to know why I will tell you why. Because without her there is no me. Without her this" he gestures all around him "doesn't exist. Without her-"

"You will be the killer we all fear? That you fear? You will burn the world? Yeah I know Oliver." Everyone's head turns back to him and Oliver raises his eyebrow at him in confusion. "I know all about what you would do if she dies. But what will she do Oliver? What will she do when she finds out what you did to her? Oliver she will end it. She will take her own life so she won't be this, this thing that she hates so much. Don't you see by doing this you are condemning her to a fate far worse than death. Her people don't believe in suicide, but she would do it. Oliver she would forsake her people and her beliefs so she wouldn't have to be this thing. Can you do that to her? Can you destroy everything she is everything she has believed in for your own selfish reasons? Because if you can I don't know you anymore and I don't want to know you." John finishes hoping he got through to him.

"Yes I can. I have to. It's the only way. I'm sorry John but I can't let her go." And with that he nods toward Slade who begins the process.

"No, Oliver don't do this. I am begging you know. You have to let her go. You owe her that." It's too late though. They have already started so he throws his gun to the ground and says for all to hear.

"God forgive us for our sins. And may you have mercy on our souls." He turns around and walks up the stairs. But before leaving he tells them something they never wanted to admit. "It won't be her when it wakes up. It won't be Felicity. It will be the nightmare we have been trying to stop. But she will never forgive and she will never forget and she will kill you Oliver Queen for what you are doing. She will kill us all. And we will have deserved it." With that he steps out the door never looking back. The door slams shut and with it the finality of what is going to happen and what just ended.

Oliver can't care about that right now though. He needs to be focusing on keeping her alive and keeping her safe. He will listen to those words later when he can finally breathe. But he does know that Felicity will never forgive him. But as long as she lives he is okay with that. But she won't hurt him he knows that. When she wakes up it won't be an it, it will be Felicity. There is too much good in her for her to come back as something else. At least he hopes anyway. No, there is no other choice. She is all that is good in this world. She will come back just as good.

"There that should do it. Now it's just a waiting game. She is strong she should make it through it." Slade says before sitting down against a pillar in the basement his eyes still trained on Felicity. Sara has her hooked up to a heart monitor that is connected to her computers. Everyone is looking between that and her waiting for any movement. Any beep that indicates it worked.

"How long is this going to take? Should it happen instantly or does it take a few hours?" The voice rings out in the silence everyone looks to her.

"Why got someplace to be Laurel?" Roy asks her, daring her to say yes. He really wants to hit something. He needs to hit something.

"I just don't like waiting. I want to know how long it takes for her to wake up." And everyone notices how she expects Felicity to wake up. She looks at them looking at her. It is really disturbing her that they are looking her like they are. Felicity is going to wake up she is too strong not to. She wants to thank this strong woman and shake her hand for being the better person they all wish they could be. And being the good person that is taking care of Sara and Oliver which they both needed.

Everyone goes back to looking at Felicity or the monitors expecting to see something anything but nothing. Nothing is happening and everyone gets more worried as time goes by. Just when they are about to give up thunder shakes the whole building. And they hear lighting crash outside. An alert pops up on one of the monitors it's a flashing a serve storm warning. And before any of them can do anything another rumble of thunder erupts through the building sending dust down on them and the building begins to shake. And everyone is beginning to think another earthquake is happening right now. They hear rain beat down outside and the wind is howling with angry shouts and no one is sure what is going on.

"We should unplug her guys in case lighting hits." Roy says to them and just then lighting strikes down outside hitting a transformer and they can see the sparks traveling down the wires next to the computer and to Felicity. They move to rip off the wires but it's too late the power goes out and a deafening scream runs through the foundry ripped from her lips. Felicity begins to convulse and it takes Oliver and Slade to hold her down.

"What the hell is going on Slade?" Oliver yells to him as sparks are flying all around them.

"I don't know this has never happened before. Keep holding her down kid. We don't want her to hurt herself." They both duck their heads as sparks shoot out above their heads. Laurel cries out and Sara rushes to her side in an instant. The emergency lights come on and everyone looks around except it's not the lights that come on its Felicity. Her body is glowing a bright white light and they all jump back.

"What the hell?" Oliver yells to Slade.

"Don't look at me. This is something new, something very new." He replies still keeping his eyes trained on her. And just like that her light goes out and the lights come back on. Everyone looks at her and each other trying to figure out what just happened. No one moves everyone to freaked to move. And then the computers come back on and the machines that were fried come back on and gasp breaks through the silence. She jumps up into a sitting position and Oliver runs to her.

"Felicity, shhh calm down. Its okay you're safe. You're safe now." He holds her and she is shaking in his arms. "Everything is okay now Felicity." And just like that she pulls back from him. He tries not to be to upset with that.

"Oliver? What happened? The last thing I remember is the talking to you on the rooftop." Everything is blurry in her mind. She remembers the sword and the speech she gave to him and then the numbness and then nothing. "Oliver, I died I remember that. I died Oliver. Why am I not dead?" She is shaking and nothing is making since and then just like that she remembers where she was and what happened. And she jerks away from him and she stands up and turns around and sees everyone looking at her. And she sees Slade Wilson here in their safe place and Oliver is looking like he doesn't want to answer her. And she just knows they did something bad, something very bad. The computers behind her start going haywire and the lights start flickering.

"Felicity calm down. Okay just calm down." Oliver says to her and then she sees it the bloody tube and she knows just what happened. She remembers what it was like to be dead. What happened to her in those moments. She remembers being at peace and then pain, absolute pain. She looks to them and they all step back. She doesn't see it but they do her eyes are glowing and before they can say something to her, she strides up to Oliver and grabs him by the throat raising him off the ground and demands in a voice not belonging to her. Something dark, something tainted. Something not human.

"What did you do to me?"

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Uh-oh Oliver is in trouble. And what is going on with Felicity. Okay just to give you guys a heads up I am apparently combing a couple heroes together. Not intentionally though. I am not a big comic person so I thought I was going one way and then when I did some research turns out I went a different way. Sorry about that. Hope you still like it. Don't forget leave me a review. And yes all mistakes are still mine. I am doing this without a beta. Can't wait to hear from you guys. I want to hear all your thoughts on the story and on Wednesday's episode.


	10. Chapter 10

Summary: Death is only the beginning. The ones we love never really leave us. And sometimes we have to die before we can really live.

AN: Just discovered my story is in a community, awesome! Thanks guys! Sorry for the delay I was not near internet this weekend and then I had to work all day today. I'm not normally one who complains about lack of reviews but for the last chapter no one really seemed to review so I can't decide if you guys liked it. So please don't forget to review they do really make me happy. Here is the next chapter again sorry for the delay. Again swearing be warned. But a HUGE shout out to the ones who haven't stopped reviewing I love you guys just in case you didn't know. And to all of my guest reviewers I wish I could message you guys back but sadly they won't let me so here is a HUGE hug for you guys and be awesome. Sorry long AN again.

Disclaimer: Olicity=Endgame! I keep telling myself that hoping the writers will listen. So let's all think it. You with me guys?

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Everyone is stunned for a moment. This isn't Felicity. But Oliver is struggling and she doesn't seem to care. Her eyes glow a devastating red and images on the computer screen are flying a mile a minute. No one makes move, too afraid of what she would do to them or Oliver but they know they have to do something.

"Felicity?" Sara moves slowly to her, arms raised up in front of her to show her she means no harm. "Felicity let him go." She talks to her gently hoping it will break through this rage. Felicity whips her head to look at Sara.

"What did you do to me?" She snarls at her. Sara stops moving. John was right this wasn't Felicity. What did they do?

"Felicity that's Oliver in your hand. You're hurting him, let him go." Sara tries again hoping that would help. They have to bring her back, they have to.

Felicity looks back to Oliver, Sara's words slowly registering in her mind. Oliver sees it and brings his hands to her face and whispers to her.

"Felicity, please I am so sorry."And just like that the fog is gone. She looks around in confusion looking at everyone but not really seeing them. She brings her eyes back to Oliver and realizes she is hurting him and immediately drops him. She steps back horrified at what she has done.

"Oh god! Oliver, I'm so sorry. Oh god I am so sorry." She keeps stepping back from them. She brings her hands to her mouth as tears stream down her face. Oliver reaches out to her and she jerks back. "Stay away from me. I could hurt you again." Oliver looks bewildered at her. She was never going to hurt him, he knows this.

"Felicity, it's okay. I'm okay. It was an accident. You are not going to hurt me." He tries to reach out to her again and again she jerks back this time slapping his hands away.

"I said don't touch me. This is wrong. This is so wrong. I am supposed to be dead; I'm not supposed to hurt you." Oliver goes to interrupt her but she shoots him a glare and he clamps his mouth shut. "And none of this is okay Oliver. None of it." The screens are still going crazy behind her and only Roy takes notice of this. It's like everything is being hacked at once. He just knows this has something to do with her.

"We saved you Felicity. That's all that matters." Oliver says to her and he hopes that will suffice for now. Except it doesn't and Felicity looks like she is about ready to lose control again. Roy goes to intervene because no matter what this is going to end badly. But before he can open his mouth Felicity grabs her head and screams.

"Oh god it hurts! Please make it stop! Please make it stop hurting!" She cries to them falling to her knees. Oliver rushes over to her and tries to look at her but she pulls back from him and covers her eyes. Oliver pulls her hands away from her eyes and while others gasp around him, he doesn't look startled as her eyes are glowing a bright white light. "Please Oliver make it stop. They hurt, everything hurts. Make'em stop. Please. It's too much." She cries into his shoulder. Roy points to the screen so they can all see. Everyone looks to it and sees binary code filling up the screens. No one understands it. No one is good as Felicity and Oliver tries to get through to her.

"Felicity, your screens. Your screens are filling up with numbers." He whispers to her. She raises her head and goes to open her eyes. And Oliver stops her; it seems as long as her eyes are closed they don't her. "Keep them shut Felicity tell me what to do." He tells her. She nods her head at his request.

"Is it just random numbers or is it something else?" She asks him hoping all the pain she is feeling will go away shortly.

"It looks like binary code. Just ones and zeros." He replies to her. She nods her head again and tilts her head in concentration.

"Sara?" She asks out to them."

"I'm here." Said girl replies to her as she comes to stand beside them.

"I need you to run a translation on them. You're good with computers and it should be fairly easy." Sara nods her head at Felicity and then realizes she can't see it so she speaks instead walking over to the computers.

"Yeah no problem." Her reply is shaky and breathless. She doesn't know what to expect with this new Felicity. And she is not going to lie; this person is starting to scare her. She brings up the translation algorithm and when it starts translating them she jumps back startled and moves away from Felicity. Felicity who hears this jerks her head up and turns toward what she hopes is the monitors.

"What is it? What's wrong? What does it say? Someone answer me." But no one answered. They were too busy staring at the screen. It keeps repeating the same words over and over again.

Please make it stop it hurts

Everyone looks at her but no one speaks. Tired of being ignored and the fact closing her eyes is doing nothing but giving her a headache. All those colors flashing before her eyes making her nauseous. When she opens them and looks to the screen she tenses because one those are her words and two the code is what she is seeing when she closes her eyes. She looks back to Oliver and he pulls away from her. That among of everything else hurts the most. But it also really pisses her off because she knows this is his fault she just knows it is. So how dare he pull away from her when he did this? She grabs his wrist and tugs him violently to her.

"What the hell did you do to me Oliver Queen?" And she realizes that the voice that spoke is not hers and Oliver refuses to look at her. "Tell me right now Oliver Queen. What did you do to me?" She seethes and he tries to pull away but her hold on him just gets stronger.

"I am so sorry Felicity. This, this wasn't supposed to happen. Please forgive me. I just, I just couldn't let you go." He pleads with her and she has no idea what the hell is talking about. But she knows it can't be good.

"Ms. Smoak." Everyone whips their head to Slade. This is the first time he has spoken since she was brought back. "You have mirakuru running through your veins right now." And just like that Felicity's whole world comes crashing down around her. She lets go of Oliver's wrist as if his touch burns her. She backs away from them.

How could they do this to her? What the hell were they thinking? She didn't deserve this fate. She never wanted this fate. Why would they do this to her? All these thoughts run through her mind. And she looks at these people she called friends, people she trusted and they betrayed her. She looks around at them and notices something that should have been obvious from the beginning.

"Where is Dig?" She whispers to Oliver. But they all hear it.

"He…he didn't want us to do this. He said it was wrong and that you would hate it. So he left when we wouldn't stop. He said he couldn't be a part of it." He tells her. But he isn't looking at her, instead he looking over her shoulder and he is tense so very tense.

"You should have listened to him. He was right Oliver. He was so right." She implores to him. He jerks his head to look at her then. His face betrays nothing of what he feeling.

"Don't…don't say that. You don't get to say that. He was wrong Felicity. He was wrong. You're here that's all that matters. It's all I we wanted. You can't leave us. You can't leave me. I'm… I'm not ready." He whispers back to her. His voice breaks at the end and everyone feels like they are impeding on a private moment.

"Not ready? Oliver I was dead. I died. As in no pulse. No breath, no heart beat. It was my choice. You can't take that from me. You had no right. You brought me back, but at what cost Oliver? Huh, what cost? You only cared about yourself and how you were feeling. But what about me? What about what my feelings? Do they mean nothing to you? I'm a monster Oliver. A monster. Do you get that? I hurt you. I. Hurt. You. Oh god I hurt you." She cries and Oliver moves toward her but she moves away. She can't be near him. She will hurt him. She will hurt them all.

"You were disoriented Felicity. You didn't mean too. I know you didn't. You would never hurt me." He tells her calmly. He believes it she knows he does. But the problem is she doesn't.

"Yeah well hurting you happens to be all I can think about right now. You betrayed me Oliver. I trusted you. And you just threw it in my face." He looks heartbroken at her words and the horrible thing is it doesn't pull at her heart strings it just makes her even more pissed. "Undo it." She states it so all can hear the statement.

"What?"

"No."

"Why?"

"It can't be done."

She hears all their statements but one stays with her.

"What do you mean it can't be done?" She whirls on Slade. She really hopes she misheard. Because if that's true then she is going to hurt all of them.

"Until we can get a cure you're stuck my dear." And she really hates Slade in this moment. How the hell did all of this happen?

"Then kill me. It can't be that hard right? And I am not even going to be fighting back. So no one is going to get hurt other than me." She knows Oliver is not going to like this plan but if she has to knock him out to do it. Then so be it. She will. But the voice that answers her is not Oliver. And this voice surprises the hell out of her and everyone else.

"No." It's stated calmly and everyone is trying to figure out how to respond to it. Or even why they spoke in the first place.

"No? What do you mean no? I can do whatever the hell I want Laurel." Felicity snaps at her. What the hell is she doing here in the first place? And just who does she think she is? What because she knows now she thinks she can boss everyone around now? Well she will just see about that. There is no way she is taking orders from her.

"I mean no. Felicity I get it or at least some of it. I do, I really do. But you can't leave these people. They need you. You hold them together. You have to know that. They can be the heroes without you. Nor can they survive without you. I'm sorry you feel like they betrayed you especially after your speech on the rooftop. But leaving them now and the way you did, well it's not an option. So no we won't kill you, but what we will do is save you. The way you saved all of us." And she means it. They can't go on without her. And she looks to all of them to make sure they agree with her. And they all nod their head in agreement. Felicity wants to believe them she does but this is too much. They did this without asking her. They don't know what they took from her. And what happened after.

She remembers being happy and at peace. Grams was there, and so was Gramps. She didn't feel any pain only peace. She wanted to stay where ever she was she wanted to stay. But then it was ripped from her and it hurt, it hurt so much. They don't get that. But they will. She will make sure they will.

"You don't get it. None of you do. I was happy, I was at peace. I'm pretty sure I was in heaven. And you took that from me. You ripped it away from me. I had to feel pain so much pain. Do you know what that's like to have to feel all that pain again. When I died I didn't feel it, but you made feel it. You forced all that pain on me because you didn't want to be alone. But what about me? What about what I want? Did my pain mean nothing to you?" She screams at them. And they all flinch back from her. No one ever thought that she had already moved on. None of them thought about an afterlife. But she was there, and they took her from there.

"Please…forgive me Felicity. But without you there is no me." And Oliver breaks down in front of her, in front of all of them. He thought emotions were a weakness but now he knows that was wrong. His words don't appease her in fact they infuriate her. He still thinks this is about him. But it isn't. It's about her. And she is going to have to show him that. She makes a move towards him and before she knows it she is grabbed by both Roy and Slade.

"Let me go." She yells at them struggling to get out of their grasp. But they have a tight grasp on her.

"No can do Blondie. You aren't thinking straight. So until you calm down we aren't letting you go." Roy tells her trying to hold on to her tighter. She struggles with them and with a strength she didn't know she possessed she manages to throw them off of her. They land off to her sides and she moves to Oliver never touching him but in his face.

"You still think it's about you. Well let me tell you it's not. It's not Oliver. It's about me. And it's time you understood that." She goes to strike him when whispered words reach her brain and make her remember the rooftop and the heartache.

"Felicity stay with me. Please don't leave me. I love you Felicity. You can't go, you can't leave me alone. I haven't taken you out on a date; I haven't done anything for you. You have to stay so I can prove to you how much I love you. So I can prove it every day for the rest of our lives. Please Felicity don't go." She pulls back immediately from him. Horror is written on her face. She can't do it. She can't control it. She looks to him but he doesn't look back. The rest do though. So she does the only thing she can do. She runs. She runs from the ones who love her to much to let her go. She runs from what she has become and what she will become. She runs to the one who can tell her he loved her enough to let her go. She knocks on the door and prays that they will answer. The door opens and surprise is on his face. He goes to ask her why she is here or where the others are but she beats him to it.

"They made me a monster Dig. And I can't control it." She whimpers to him and she looks so pitiful that he just opens his arms and she falls into them crying. No whispers come from his mouth he just holds her and lets it out. Neither noticing the lights dimming around them.

After a few minutes he ushers her into his place. He sits her on the sofa and lets her cry some more. What she says next catches him by surprise.

"I hurt him. John I hurt him. I don't know what to do." She cries to him. Neither does he but he knows he needs a calm Felicity not an emotional one. "What did they do to me?" She looks to him for answers. Answers he doesn't have. So instead he tries for something different.

"Tell me everything." He is in solider mode and he needs facts nothing but facts. So that's what she gives him. For the next two hours she tells him everything. And it's straight forward, to the point, and analytical, just what she needs. And then she asks the question she needs answered.

"What did they do to me John? I hurt him, I wanted to kill him. I have never been that angry John. Never. And I couldn't stop it. I am so scared John. I can't go back there, not now, not after everything." She cries to him. Hoping he has the answer she needs. He was always the one that kept the group grounded. The level headed one, she needs that right now.

He looks to her and he wants to tell her he understands and that he can help her. Truth is he doesn't understand and he can't help her. The only one who can help her is her and as for understanding he doesn't think any of them know what the hell is going on anymore. But what he is certain of is that he was wrong this is Felicity she might be a lot more scarier now but it's still her and she has to understand that. Otherwise she is going to follow Slade down his dark and twisted path.

"Felicity I'm not going to lie. I don't know what the hell is going on. But what I do know is that you are the bravest and smartest person I know. So what you are going to do is have your freak out tonight because lord knows you deserve one and then tomorrow you are going to be Felicity Smoak I.T. Expert to the Arrow and figure this out with that huge brain of yours. And you are not going to be doing it alone. We are a team girl and you can't get rid of me that easily." He tells her and is glad to see she is smiling somewhat and he knows that she will be okay no matter what, she will be okay.

"I kind of love you John Diggle. I hope you know that."

"I kind of love you too Felicity Smoak." And he does. This is girl is his family and he will always be there to protect her. Tomorrow they will face their demons all of them but for now he is going to be there for her just like she would be for him.

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Yay John Diggle! Oh how we love you. I don't know about you but I want to see some more of angry Felicity. She seems really fun. Don't forget leave me a review. And yes all mistakes are still mine. I am doing this without a beta. Can't wait to hear from you guys. I want to hear all your thoughts on the story and on Wednesday's episode. And can I say after watching the last episode quite a few times I really don't like Ray. And I had such high hopes for him. But he is way to back and forth for me. One minute he is really sweet towards Felicity and the next he goes and asks her if she is adopted after meeting her ? I loved MAMA SMOAK! Loved her! I really want her back like very soon. Oliver was so happy to meet her! That says so much right there.


	11. Chapter 11

Summary: Death is only the beginning. The ones we love never really leave us. And sometimes we have to die before we can really live.

AN: Please do not hate me for the delay. Life got in the way. So I am already starting to on the chapter and hopefully have out in the next couple days. Can anyone tell me what the hell the writers are thinking? Are they trying to kill us or something? Or do they just want to create unnecessary dram? Because I really have no idea. And my poor little heart can't take much more of this. Anyway sorry about that little rant. Here is the next chapter again sorry for the delay. Again swearing be warned. HUGE shout out to the ones who haven't stopped reviewing I love you guys just in case you didn't know.

Disclaimer: Olicity=Endgame! I keep telling myself that hoping the writers will listen. So let's all think it. You with me guys?

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A knock on the door wakes him from his slumber. He looks down and still sees her asleep on the couch. She cried herself to sleep and apparently is not waking up any time soon. It broke his heart to see her so distraught a few hours ago. He was so sure that it wouldn't be Felicity when they brought her back, but he couldn't have been more wrong. It is her and yes she might be more angry and more rough around the edges now but the core is still her. He was hired to protect Oliver Queen but now his only job was protecting Felicity. Protect her from the world, the others and more importantly herself. She was just like Oliver in that regard; they were their own worst enemies. Another knock sounds and he looks down at her and she stirs a little bit just enough to snuggle into his couch. So he slowly makes his way towards the door preparing for whoever shows up. She is hurting and none of them seem to have gotten that message. So he will deliver if he has to. And he has got no problem being rough with them or hurting them. So when he opens the door he is very prepared to tell them off.

"Is she safe?" That question is whispered to him and he has to be honest he was not expecting that question.

"Yeah. She is safe. She is sleeping on my couch right now." He can't help but answer him. He may be pissed at the guy, but he was brother in arms. He won't tell him that she cried herself to sleep. He probably already knows that. He takes a few minutes and studies the man in front of him. He looks completely haggard and disheveled. The bruises are already starting to form around his neck. And Oliver might not know this or want to accept it but the thing between him and Felicity has changed completely. And it might never get to the way it once was. It just might be damaged beyond repair. And that hurts him. She was the one he saw for Oliver. And now it's broken, smashed into a million pieces scattered across town and buried in their souls. Felicity has changed and Oliver has to accept that. Even after she is cured the dynamic between them has gone off course to badly for them to ever get back on track. They lost each other on the edge of sword.

"I really screwed up didn't I?" He asks. He doesn't even try to peer into the door. To afraid of what he might see John thinks.

"You know you did Oliver. But I was wrong too. This is Felicity, she might be a little more rough around the edges but it's still her. But she is angry Oliver and it's focused all on you. She trusted you to let her go and you didn't. You broke that trust." He doesn't say it to be mean; he says it because Oliver needs to hear it.

"Listen I get it man. You love her. Whether you wanted to admit it or not you love her. And the thought of being without her hurt more than you thought it could. More than you could stand. But she loved you enough to believe that you would move on and grow. She is angry and hurt and so very confused. It would probably be best for everyone if you stayed away from her. Let her get her head around what has happened to her." He thinks Oliver is going to argue and it looks like he just might but then he closes his mouth and slowly nods his head. He hurts for Oliver he does. Because as much as Felicity is hurting Oliver is hurting just as much. Maybe not in the same way but he is still hurting. And it still breaks John. He is stuck in the middle of probably the two most important people in his life.

"Look I know and you know that Felicity would never deliberately hurt you or anyone for that matter. She is too good for that, even now. And I know you are not afraid of her even with what happened back at the foundry. But you know it's not always the physical pain that is the worst. It's the emotional. And right now she is very, very emotional. Just give her some time and space and maybe just maybe we can get you two back to a good place. So tell the others to stay away too and when she is ready she will find you guys. But Oliver you need to know this and you have to really understand what I am about to say." He waits for the nod of the head and gets right after Oliver takes a deep breath preparing himself for the battle that is about to go down.

"Even after we cure her, she is never going to be the same. What we all had with her is gone. We have to accept that. Now we just need to focus on the new relationships and dynamic we are going to have to build. The Felicity we all know is gone and nothing can change that. We just have to accept that hard truth and move on. You also need to know that you guys might not ever be together like ever. That trust and faith you all had is gone. You have to come to terms with that on your own Oliver. I might be wrong maybe you guys can get together and be happy and maybe you won't. But you need to deal with that all on your own. I am so sorry for you Oliver, I really am." And he is. Oliver deserves to be happy and it was taken from him. Someone he loved dearly was ripped right out of his arms and someone else was put in their place. Felicity may never come back from this but also maybe Oliver won't either. How much more is he supposed to take, how much more is he suppose to suffer? He doesn't think those questions will ever be answered and maybe that is the price of being a hero.

Oliver finally looks into the apartment and to her and it's like he is trying imprint every detail into his memory as if he will never see her again. He takes a deep breath, nods his head one more time and turns around and walks down the hallway. John steps out into the hallway and watches him go. Something has shifted and he's not sure what it is or if he likes it but it has none the less. Oliver stops right before the stairs and turns only his head over his shoulder as if turning his whole body would mean he would run to her and never leave her side, screw the consequences. But thankfully it's only his head.

"Take care of her John." And just like that he is gone. Team Arrow has changed and it's never going back. John can only nod his head in return and turns back around and heads into his apartment. Neither him nor Oliver were aware that the sleeping girl on the couch was not in fact sleeping. Nor did they notice the fresh tears track down her face.

She doesn't stir when she hears the knock. She doesn't want to have to face reality. She wants to hold on to this peacefulness for as long as she can. But the knock happens again and she can tell John is checking to see if she is asleep and she lets him continue to think that. She is so tired so who knows she might go back to sleep. She cried so much a few hours ago. She doesn't think she has any tears left in her to cry. She hurt Oliver. Those words are never something she would ever usher. But this mirakuru has changed her so much. She is so angry and she doesn't know how to control it. And that scares her so much. She has never felt this type of rage before. And being around her friends just sets her off. But not being around them cuts into her soul. She misses them. She literally aches for Oliver and at the same time wants to rip his head off. So she will stay away if only to protect them. Luckily with John all she feels is peace and that she can vent and he won't look at her any differently. But shouldn't he? She has changed after all. She is not the same woman she was before. She is something darker and monstrous. Not to mention the fact that when she can't control her emotions and anything electrical starts going haywire. Which is something new because Roy never had that problem but its there for her and it makes her just a little bit worried. But that is neither here or there. The point is she has a lot on her mind and she wants to go back to sleep.

"Is she safe?" Oliver's voice breaks through her thoughts and his voice breaks her heart. He knows now what she knew when she first woke up that what they had has been destroyed. They can never be. Not that she ever thought they could, but it can never happen now. Not with what she is and what he has done. He took everything that was good about her and twisted it into something dark something that should not be walking amongst everyone. She gets that he loves her. She really does. And he has suffered too much, but this was not his choice. She knew what she was doing when she jumped in front of that sword. She was saving them all. Because they all needed to be saved. Everyone who was up there. And he took that from her, took her death from her. And it hurts, it hurts so much. For just a few minutes she was in paradise and there was no pain and then she was being ripped from there and it hurt, it hurt so much. She has never felt pain like that before.

"Yeah. She is safe. She is sleeping on my couch right now." John's words maker her smile just a bit. Because no matter what, she is safe with him. He would never judge her. It warms her heart just a little bit to hear that the two most important people in her life care enough to make sure she is safe even with what she has done and what she has become. She really hopes that John doesn't tell Oliver that she has been crying. She may be mad at him but she doesn't want to hurt him. Even though she already has. She refuses to look at him; she knows the bruises have got to be showing by now. She hurt him. She can't seem to stop thinking that. She really should though or things are going to start to happen again and she doesn't want to face them right now.

"I really screwed up didn't I?" He says. She takes a quick glance up at him and notices that he is not looking in. He is too disgusted by her and what she has done to him or is he too upset with himself for what he did to her? She is not sure and that's what bothers her so much she can't read him. And she use to be able to read him so well. And now she can't. Everything has changed and it eats her up inside. Because no matter what it can never be fixed. No matter how hard they try it will never be fixed. Everything turns to dust eventually and it appears they are no exception to this rule. A silent tear makes its way down her cheek.

"You know you did Oliver. But I was wrong too. This is Felicity, she might be a little more rough around the edges but it's still her. But she is angry Oliver and it's focused all on you. She trusted you to let her go and you didn't. You broke that trust." It hurts her to hear those words so she can only imagine how Oliver feels. An odd feeling settles in her stomach at realizing John thought she was going to be some evil half brained minion of Slade's. Angry, yes she is, half brained not in this lifetime.

"Listen I get it man. You love her. Whether you wanted to admit it or not you love her. And the thought of being without her hurt more than you thought it could. More than you could stand. But she loved you enough to believe that you would move on and grow. She is angry and hurt and so very confused. It would probably be best for everyone if you stayed away from her. Let her get her head around what has happened to her." The words keep coming out of his mouth and each one is a stab in the heart. She knew how she felt about Oliver but for Dig to come out and say that Oliver feels the same is very disturbing and ecstatic all at once. But John is right she is angry and it is all focused on Oliver. Which if she really wants to admit is weird she should be angry at Slade not Oliver. But she isn't. She does hate Slade and wishes horrible things on him because if it wasn't for him then none of this would have happened. So why is she so angry at Oliver?

"Look I know and you know that Felicity would never deliberately hurt you or anyone for that matter. She is too good for that, even now. And I know you are not afraid of her even with what happened back at the foundry. But you know it's not always the physical pain that is the worst. It's the emotional. And right now she is very, very emotional. Just give her some time and space and maybe just maybe we can get you two back to a good place. So tell the others to stay away too and when she is ready she will find you guys. But Oliver you need to know this and you have to really understand what I am about to say." He breaks through her thoughts and she is not sure she wants to hear what he has to say.

"Even after we cure her, she is never going to be the same. What we all had with her is gone. We have to accept that. Now we just need to focus on the new relationships and dynamic we are going to have to build. The Felicity we all know is gone and nothing can change that. We just have to accept that hard truth and move on. You also need to know that you guys might not ever be together, like ever. That trust and faith you all had is gone. You have to come to terms with that on your own Oliver. I might be wrong maybe you guys can get together and be happy and maybe you won't. But you need to deal with that all on your own. I am so sorry for you Oliver, I really am." And Felicity closes her eyes tightly because she knows John is sorry him for all of them. And he is right they will never be the same. And her heart twists painfully at that knowledge. Where do they go from here or from when she is cured? Will she even be cured? Or will she forever remain something dark and twisted and full of hate? If that's the case she will end it right here right now. She dare not open her eyes because she can feel him looking at her. They can never be. And more than anything that is what she has always wanted. And he deserves to be happy and it's gone, it's all gone. And just like that she hears him walk away and John follows. He doesn't fight for her he just gives in. Isn't that what she wanted, what she demanded back at the foundry?

"Take care of her John." And just like that he is gone. And the tears fall from her eyes and she can't and won't stop them. It's over Team Arrow is over. Her and him are over before they even had a chance to get started. Everything is in ruins. It's all crumbled to pieces and the lights go out and she cries in the night.

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Poor Oliver and Felicity. Don't they just break your heart? They do mine. Dig is as always the voice of reason. Someone give him a medal. Don't forget leave me a review. And yes all mistakes are still mine. I am doing this without a beta. Can't wait to hear from you guys. I want to hear all your thoughts on the story and on Wednesday's episode. The last two episodes because wow all that angst. It hurts, it hurts my soul.


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